Lonely

11.03pm

elloz guys...
today iie woke up at 4.06pm lyk tt...
due to last nite 7am plus then slp...
hahax....
this few day iie bewi late then slp hor...
use to it le bahx...

Today completely nth to do at all...
iie finish watching da anime le...
surf web, got wad to surf?...
play game?... tired of it...
go out?... no one pei wo and no where to go and
go where with who wad time come back also muz inform mom...
si bei siianz....
eat thing?... nth to eat...
talk on phone...everyone busy...
haiiz...
i'm so gotta get use to being alone...
iie hate this feelings...
iie have no freedom
no fren that iie can count on...
no money to even go out alone
no right to reason
no right to fight back my rights
no one to entrust
no one at all...
it's like...
iie dunno wad happen to miie lor...
iie am feeling more n more down lor...
it's like i'm a nobody...
my exsistance
my feelings
my word are all not important at all...

iie feel so useless...
so nth at all...

haiiz...

Today iie neber go out at all then my mom ask...
u today got go any where mahx...
them my er jie chap in and say
"GOT! You know why iie know mahx?"
Then iie was so angry lor...
iie neber go out at all wanna use this kind of technic force miie to say da truth...
iie si bei du lan....
like wanna subbo miie like tt....
THIS IS THE REASON WHY IIE DUN SHARE PROBLEM WITH THEM!
how can iie possibly trust them when they dun trust miie at all...
how can iie possibly let them understand miie when they also dun let miie understand them too?...
dun things work both ways?...
always when iie trust my er jie she will surely sabbo miie...
wad da fck do iie even dare to entrust her with any of my problems and secrets any more?...
haiiz...
they dun understands miie...
neither do iie understand them...
iie dun even understand miie myself...

this few days i've been realli lost...
my roads are so misty...
iie can't see da right way nor wad's infront of miie...
there's no one to help miie or lend a hand...
iie feel so lost...
so confused...
so not needed...
so not important at all...
why issh all this feelings coming to miie...
iie dun wanna be so sad nor sound so sad nor make any one worry...
but iie can't help being so negative about my life now...
coz wad's shown to miie issh wad says it all....
action speaks louder than words...
they dun nid to say it...
i'll understand wad iie am to ppl around miie...
juz by da way they react to miie...
iie crave for attention...
iie crave for being pamper...
and i'm greedy about it, iie agreed...
but now iie dun get any of this from any one at all...
no one ever care to show miie that they care...

accept himx...
and
Loki...

i'm only needed for replacement...
when they are bored...
when they hab no chioce...
then ppl come to miie...
but now since they got everything...
i'm nothing...
why am iie always been lyk that...
ever since primary school,
i's always been lyk tt...
and then iie know i'm juz a replacement...
a toy...
a nothting...
but that time iie was childish enough to say
"it's okay... atleast i'm needed as a replacement..."
but iie cannot be lyk tt any more now...
iie can't stand the thoughts of being a nothing....

everyone chat to miie and talk to miie some say...
" u seem cheerfull today "
or ask
" why u always sound so happi de arz? "
or
"u everyday so happi not tired meh?"
i'll reply with a "hahax..." , "orh...." or " ^-^ ...."
no one seems to know my true feellings....
even though that's da main purpose of miie always acting cheerfull...
but somehow...
iie still wish someone would be able to see though these mask and know when am iie truely happi...
so far... no one seems to sees it...
haiiz....

Tml iie going to back bone check up...
Last time due to iie suddenly grow bewi tall then backbone a bit sot sot...
but it's been recovering le...
it's juz a simple check up again iie guess...
tml 9am gotta wake up le...
then 10am leave my house...
go National Health Promotion Board there de hospital check up....
haiiz...

tt's all for today...

Early in da morning 7am plus...
long time neber see this sky and feel da air of da morning breeze...

✖ A Nobody...

i'm nth to anyone at all
i'm nt needed...
i'm nt important...

✖ All Talk No Action

show miie if u meant it...
dun juz tell miie n do nth about it...
i'm nt good at hints...
i'm nt clever...
iie dunno if it a truth or lies...


✖ Kill Miie Plz...

iie dun wanna live any longer...
with this suffering emotions....
iie rather not live...