trying to move forward...

START 4.45pm

this morning...
after sobbing for a few mins...
iie off da com...
and lied on my bed...
iie couldn't slp...
my brain was filled with da past...
knowing that it'll neber come back any more....
but missing it alot...
that chen wee that iie know then...
ilovehiimx...

suddenly out of no where...
for no reason...
iie said " dar dar..."
then stupidly start crying like hell again...
kept crying non stop...

then my mom came out of her room...
she haven sleep da whole night...
coz playing NitendoDS....
funny?... laught lurhx....

iie heard her come out of her room...
so iie force myself to stay quiet...
but tears keep coming out of my eyes, rolling down and dripping on my pillow...
iie felt bewi cold then...
iie miss hiis warm...
haiiz...

thinking that this bed...
he once lied in it before...
slping with miie...
cozily...
and this house who used to hab his presents...
and da dogs who miiss playing wiith hiimx...

iie still remember hiis first visit to my house...
my sister's ex bf was here too...
they went room and we stayed outside...
euu help miie update my online shop...
teach miie da quick way of uploading it...
and euu gave miie ur first kiss then...
and iie remembered euu told miie...
euu wouldn't leave miie...
and
euu dun wanna share ur kiss with anyone else anymore...
iie was realli touch then...

你每次都是那么的傻, 那么的可爱...
真是个可爱的大傻瓜...
持有你会那么的容易让我懂心...

[my Chinese not good... sorry if got mistakes...]

juz one question...
did iie rely on euu too much?...
to miie...
iie know clearly...
iie rely on euu alot alot alot...
where ever iie am...
iie would usually tell myself...
"iie want dar dar..."
and always look forward in meeting...
when ever i'm alone...
or am down...
or even crying like hell...
or even being with PDP...
u've always da first one to pop up in my mind...

but now iie finally get rid of that habit...
iie am now able to stand on my own....
always forcing myself not to cry...
and iie know i've learn alot after this..
but wad is it?...
iie dunno...
iie juz feel different...
like iie am no longer da miie iie use know any more...
iie changed for da sake of PDP...
iie changed for da sake of my family...
iie changed for da sake of euu...
and iie kept changing till iie no longer know who am iie...
i'm juz being lyk this...
for da sake of ppl around miie would like miie and enjoy being with miie...
and that they would able to laugh and stay happi....
and not being disappointed in thing and become sad or angry....
da only miie iie can be issh da one helping ppl out with ppl's xin shi...
and when i'm blogging....
and when iie am worried for one's health or safety de shi hou onli...
and when i'm home...
with my family...

why am iie saying so many non related rubbish...
iie muz be going out of my mind...

iie dunno wad else iie can say...
there's juz so much to say that iie couldn't remember any of it already...
haiiz...

END 5.42pm


START 6.39pm

i'm starting to manage to force myself to move on...
fast uhs?...
hahax...
well...

i've been thinking alot mahx...
these few days...
alot thoughts in my mind...
us in da past and us now...
maybe da mistake made in da begaining wad fated...
knowing that if we are still together things might become worst...
love can be strong and secure when both are together...
but when both are apart, love grows weaker...
like a plant without sunlight and water...
da plant is like da seed of love...
da sunlight issh their time they spent together...
water issh da love and happiness they shared...
and with their care...
da plant will grow and bloom beauitifully...

but if both of them hab no time to take care of da plant...
they'll start to forget about it...
and throw it aside...
and then ofcoz...
i'll died slowly...

but even so...
da happi memories will stay but da plant has died...
wad ever died can neber be revived...
no matter how much water and sunlight euu gibb it...
it'll not revived...
and when u start to miss da past...
it's too late...

END 7.05pm