dead

Unlove
Uncared
Unimportant

My life has neber been good for miie...
why my life sux even more as time goes by...
everytime iie needed someone...
they were neber there for miie...
this sux...
iie hate this...

iie am a cry baby...
no one knows...
i've always trying to hold back...
always act jian qiang...
always tell myself...
iie juz gotta try harder and wad so ever...

i'm dying...


silence....

dead silence...

ignore miie.....

Life Goes On...

hey there...
so long neber blog lurhhx...
i'm getting lasy to blog these days...
from wad happen this few days....
iie am so lyk...
wad da hell....
my life never gets better...

if iie did anything that u ppl out there don't like...
please do tell miie...
sound out...
atleast let miie know...
if there's stuff that iie can change iie will...
and if there's place that iie can explain, iie will...
and afte iie explain...
for u to understand n take miie as iie am, is up to euu...
iie know my name in school is very bad already...
for wad reason...
iie dunno either...
iie juz hope stuff doesn't get worst...

well, atleast iie can see who's a ture fren that iie can treasure...
iie juz hope things can get over n done with asap...

life realli do sux...
and sometime, for out of no where and without any warning...
u've become 'popular'...
in da bad way ofcoz....
and habing to take in all da metal torture all of the sudden...
such a blow...

but atleast...
iie know some ppl are there for miie encouraging miie to move on and be myself...
howcan iie be myself with da atmospheres being so treatening in my class...
knowing that every thing iie do n say affect ppl around miie...
iie could neber peacefully be myself in my class...
da only time was when iie am with da guys....
iie cam be all crazy n tomboy without being scared that they will give comments n pass gossip...
how comfortable is that?...
atleast for da guy iie know, they dun anyhow speak about ppl...

haiiz....

My Days

today didn't went school...
remembered iie did wake up around 5am and was thinking why da alarm aren't ringing...
then after a while then iie realize da alarm was actually ringing so loudly...
smth's wrong with my brain iie guess...
slow~...[x

then was tired so put snooze and went to slp...
then didn't wake up lurhhx....[x

today stay home...
bewi bored...
ytd left my house key at Panda house...
so he came n gave miie back n went home...
thanks and sorry for troubling euu wor...

after that played O2Jam with panda and Christopher kor...
then meet mommy at 5.30pm at NP to eat SAKAE SUSHI...
YUMMY!
hahas...
eat till bao bao, du du[tummy] wanna boom ba liiao...
then go Watsons but stuff~...
then went home liiao lurhhx..



Oh...
and YTD iie shou le yi ke Gan Er Zi....
shit...
iie lao liiao...
lolx...
noooo~ i'm not aunty~
nooooooooooo~...
siao...
lolx...
be with Panda they all too much become crazy lurhhx...
lolx...




._buays_.

Any day's different from this

today went to school as usual...
Chem was boring...
Maths was slpy...
SS had test, but iie douth iie would pass...
iie skip CL lesson...
iie gave up on chiness...
wanna take simple chiness lurhhx...
oh well...

then after chiness lesson...
ppl come back and claim that their stuff went missing...
someone stolen it...
recess time our chaiman didn't lock da door and even invited his frens in to chat...
da malays...
untrustable...
lousy ppl....
then chiness got Yong Han they all come in...
yeah, they're known as bad kid...
oh well...

so Miss Chee check our bags and so on...
then later iie wanna go toilet...
but da chairman ask for da permission before miie so iie let hiim be lurhhx...
iie found hiimx fishy so iie looked where he went...
saw he went down stairs...
didn't went toilet...
then after that he came back up n go 3NB and talk to hiis fren...
fishy man...
so iie bao tou lurhhx...
he abuse da rights to go toilet mahhx...
kns...
iie wan go one lehhx...
then Miss Chee ask miie go see what they chating about...

then iie went to check it out lurhhx...
then dunno wad they speak in malay, wad tissue this tissue that dehhx...
iie remember they said that someone came in to look for tissue...
so iie juz bao tou also lurhhx...
so Miss Chee went to that class n check da guy bag...
but nth was found...
guess it's a false alarm...
iie said sorry to da guy for making things so troublemsome...
he said nvm and even tried to pinch my face...
wad's with guys these days...
all lyk pinching or touching my face...
one by one itchy hand... =x

then after that went home changed and went to Panda house with kor...
had dinner there again...
his mom's cooking always so yummy...
then after that Panda send miie home lurhhx...

Backies

back on blogging...
good good?...
iie wasn't away for so long mahx...
miss miie isn't it?...
hahax...

oh well...
juz finish reading all da past testimonial iie gave chen wee...
and realise how much iie love hiimx last time...
that love is irreplaceable man...
oh well....
it's all ended...
time for a new begaining...

now miie and hiimx are juz frens...
iie treat hiimz juz lyk a fren already...
tt's why i'm able to chat with hiimx without anyproblems...
hahax...

since miie n hiimx are no longer together...
and even before that....
i've always been with Panda they all...
a bunch of crazy nuts n jokers...
da only one seems more normal is Panda...
Da others not Gay then issh SheMales...
lolx...
=x
oh well...
but iie always enjoyed myself with them...
not one day with them iie cannot laught...
with da birdy edbert also...
da prim culprit...
not one min with hiimx cannot laught one...
siao gi na tt one...
hahax...
he with his lame jokes...
makes miie laught lyk wad nut lyk tt...
lolx...

oh well...
ytd iie didn't went school...
Meet them around 2pm...
Went panda house...
firstly only miie, panda n joel...
then afterwards edbert n christ kor come along...
then birdy edbert plays Panda's ps1 while da other plays poker card...
During BlackJack iie lost alot sial...
we played push up dehhx...
but obviosuly, iie no nid do...
at da end they will split up da push ups n do...
lolx...
iie got 44 push up while edbert got 70 push up...
wah seh...
lolx...
da other 18,23,26
edbert do diamon dehhx sial...
power arz~...

then later edbert n joel went bath...
then christ go back home change pants...
then later edbert went home while da others go church...
wanted to listen to dunno wad dao shi talk talk...
but in da end lyk feel odd odd dehhx...

meet edbert again under his BLK...
then played Lan together...
played warcraft...
miie kept dying...
miie noob sial...
lolx...
but oh well, tt's why i'm with two pro right...
lolx [x

then 9pm plus they all send miie home and tt's all...

long time neber hang out with edbert...
miss his lame jokes...
lolx...
but dun miss hiimx...
[x

._another fun day with THEM_.

Good Byes

i'm thinking of closing my blog already....
enough of my feelings n life...
enough of ppl trying to get through miie from here...
enough of ppl trying to understand miie from here...

it's time for ppl to try to understand miie as a real person...
not juz my thoughts...

thx for hao kor n kat n who ever who always cared and always reads my blog...
well...

thanks everyone who reads my blog...

this is da tepo ending of my blog...
i'll close it for a month or two or so lyk tt nia...
hahax....

well...
Good Bye...

Memories huh...

Wednesday, 5 Sept 2oo7




i've been eating alot lately...
even though i'm not hungry, iie juz feel lyk eating...
shit...
gonna grow fat soon...
lolx...


these few days dunno why keep thinking of Wee ...
Thinking of our past...
da happy past...
not da sad ones...
about da first time we met...
da first phone call...
da sms we send each other...
and alot alot more...
he's always so kind,sweet n cute...
haiiz...
but then...
sometime iie juz hope iie can forget all these...
but sometime not...
i'm glad that we had so many happi memories together...
but yet...
sometime not...
as it could be sweet n bitter at da same time recalling it...

memories do kills....
haiiz...
iie dun think anyone could replace da love we had so easily...
it's somehow irreplaceable...
oh well...
that's da bad part...
harder to forget...
hahax...

today went around with Panda n Joel...
went chong pang wanna take spects n contacts then relise wrong date...
iie tot today issh 6 sept sial...
so pai sehx....

then later...
boylish miie again...
wahahahax!
play Lan with them today...
played warcraft...
hahax... boylish right?... =x
last time sec1 with them always play Counter Strike...
now this...
lolx...
oh well...
it's not bad any way...
KILL!~ [x

then later sit below my blk chit chat lurhhx...

today Chat with Wee abit...
hahax... not happy at all...
coz make miie think alot more of our past...
and notice how much we changed...
hate it that humans changes so fast!... X(

sometime iie do wonder if he did think about us in da past like iie did...
haiiz...
miss da cute, innocent us....
haiiz....
oh well...
wad ever's over, over~
let's try to put it behide us...

Juz a simple Thank You

Went out with mom today...
she went causeway to hand in her paper work...
so iie followed along...
then end up staying there for quite sometime due to some mistakes in her paper work...
then after that we went cold storage as we wanted to buy Donut...
but da que bloodily long...
so we walk out of cold storage...
and the pass by a M1 shop n my mom saw a HP on display...
then iie took it up and OMG! it's k618!!!
da phone that i've been eye-ing for...
it's on promotion now...
sad lahhx...
it's like a 0.000000001%
that my mom would buy fer miie lyk tt...
why god had to punish miie lyk tt?!?!?! ><

then later IP zone looking for jacket...
but can't find any nice dehhx...
end up buying two shirts....
one pink one white...
since it's cheap...
but da cutting kinda sux lahhx...
but oh well...
can't help it as iie lost 3 shirt within 3 week in my own house...
wad da hell...
sad...
mus be somehow mixed up in my sister pile of shirt in her messy room...
wanna go treasure hunting soon lurhhx lahhx...
my brown shirt, black shit n white shit...
all gone...=="

after that we ate Yoshinoya at causeway...
and this reminds miie oh Wee...
we ate there once too...
and iie remember throwing alot of vegetable to hiimx...
lolx...
but this time...
iie ate it all up myself...

then bought bubble tea...
and then went to John little buy my mama stuff...
total $60+
didn't know some charcoal would cost tt much...
it somehow got some use on various stuff bahx iie think...
after that we went to northpoint buy alot mam mam home...
Xiao Xiong Bing Gan~
Wang Wang~
Giant Pooky~
MaMee Mee~
hahahax...
next time u'll see miie round lurhhx lahhx...
hahax...

then later went Chong Pang...
Bought Contacts and Spects...
as iie lost my spects around Aug...
so mom decided to make Contacts better than habing miie keep losing it...
iie had such a nice talk with da shop aunty that it was so memorable...
she kept laughing n joking with miie...
da spect it's lyk normal spects...
not those fancy fancy ones that iie wore in da past...
juz lyk primary school kids lyk tt dehhx...
iie can get da contacts n Spect on Wed...
My contacts are for 3 months dehhx...
a weekly contact lens...
with degree and my 'san guang' dehhx...
contact lens $110 spect $70
total $180!!!
OMG! ex lahhx...
well, thanks mommy... ^-^

so later when we got home iie watch a few anime then helped her iron my dad's clothes...
these few days iie bewi guaii oh~
everyday got help her sweep floor, mop floor, hang da clothes on da bamboom,fold da clothes.... guaii right?...
hahax...

okayz...
today's post alot of crap....
Guess my Hate Love post made alot ppl worries...
i'm sorry...

well, Thanks Hao Kor n Kat...
ur tags make miie feel tt i'm not alone...
and that there's ppl around miie who cares and knows how iie feels...
Take care too wor...
smile always always~! ^-^

and Thanks ppl like, M 1,afadfsdf, Devil Kor who tried to bring my spirit up...
Thanks alot guys...
iie might not know M 1 and afadfsdf...
but guess da only thing iie could do is thank u guys...
and hope that both of u would stay happi always~

and for devil kor who's always trying to make miie happy when i'm down...
and always helping miie in all sort of stuff....
Thanks for always being there fer miie... ^-^

and to Mr I Love You...
iie dunno who ur r or wad DK means...
but thanks for ur concern n hope u would find ur Miss Right one day...
Take care n smile always too~

Thanks all of u guys a ton!

1.44am

Misunderstanding

elloz...
here to explain my two newest poat...
juz in case someone mistaken my feelings...

juz taking some exaples...
sorry for using this example Devil Kor...

God bro: hi hi 0o
God bro: dun stop loveing
God bro: dun stop careing >.<
God bro: u haveing nightmare cuz u afriad he broke up wif u aren't u >.<
God bro: when u say u r mean to be seperate its also a lie >.<
God bro: just follow ur heart and smile always =]
God bro: or maybe u just think too much =X
God bro: if u wan him back why dun u change ur personalty =x
God bro: love is not for free
God bro: u have to work hard to earn ur turst,love,care and many more
God bro: be true to ur self

okay...
well...
iie dun think iie will become someone who doesn't love or care...
juz go with da flow iie guess...
juz tt will not start a relationship so easily...


iie habing nightmare not because iie am afraid to lose hiimx
infact...
we're already no longer together...
and iie didn't say we were mean to be apart...
iie juz felt that it'll be better this way...
and iie didn't lie...
iie am already following my heart...
and iie agreed on da part where iie am always thinking too much...
but i am trying my best to cut down on it...


and iie didn't want hiimx back...
iie wrote all this juz to let hiimx know iie do realli loved hiimx...
and hope that our love is true...
even though it's for once...
and to tell da truth, i've never regretted meeting hiimx...
iie felt thankfull to hab met hiimx...
we had a bewi interesting relationship...
kinda lyk in a story lyk tt....
but juz that things didn't end well...
iie felt bless to be able to hab met hiimx n be in loved with hiimx even juz for once and not forever...
he's lyk a almost perfect boyfriend...
so i'm glad to hab met hiimx lurhhx...[naggy miie]


yeap...
love is not for free...
but iie am not gonna change myself for anyone anymore...
unless iie realli sux lahhx...
love is not for free...
juz lyk as in...
u gonna earn it ourself~...
hahax... yeap yeap...
juz like working ur pay from a boss...
somelike lyk that but it juz cost more stuff than u can ever imagine...



and well, to be true to myself...
iie dun realli think iie can make it..
if not i'll be dropping dead lurhhx...
lies keep miie going on...
as in lies of my own...
lying to myself...
telling myself i'm alright when i'm not...
and i'll live on when i'm dying...
iie can do it when iie realli can't...
iie am happy when i'm realli sad...
these lies helps miie...




._Jasmine Signing Out_.

1.27am

Dreams

Ohaiyo!
iie juz woke up...
had a bad dream again...
about Wee n miie...

iie dream that he stead with another girl lurhhx...
and then iie was realli sad lurhhx...
yeah...
we break lurhhx...
but iie can't help feeling jealous n sad...
iie treid to win hiimx back but da girls always cuts in...

da dream started on miie being lost somewhere...
then iie wasn't feeling well and hiis house is da nearest...
so he brought miie pass da lake of red giant fish that eats human...
and da lake of giant frogs...
da lake in da middle has frozen ice...
and we use that path to slow glide quietly...
so that da monsters would not notice us...
when we fainally reach his house he gave miie a cup of water n his jaket...
he as miie to rest a while...
then iie saw his mother...
she was bewi kind...
and hiis sister saw miie then screem n go to hiis room...
then later as Wee n miie were talking happily dehhx shi hou...
Wee's new GF come out...
she was furious...
she scolded miie and wanted to chase miie out n accuse hiimx from timing her...
iie was angry n scolded her back n then still Wee was as kind n wen ru, ti tie...
he talk to her softly and say he'll send miie back when iie feel better...
then she angrily reply "u better do!"
and walk away...
iie felt realli sad...
iie kept trying to win hiimx back but that bloody ass keep watching and cutting in...
then when iie couldn't find hiimx...
iie went to his room door n open it up...
iie saw both of them we so darn close...
so iie left his house sobbing in tears....
then later iie reach my God Mom's shop n told her wad happen...
she told miie iie should go back n find hiimx and let hiims know how iie realli feel...
but then thinking of da scary path iie had to take....
if was realli scary...
then iie started crying again then my Gan Ma keep an wei wo...
but iie kept crying non stop...

then iie woke up from da dream lurhhx...

woke up n found pillow wet again...
tears were flowing again...
haiiz...
sad lurhhx...
heart hurts alot even though it's not real...
iie still feeling lyk crying now...

to miie, he's always a san liang, wen rou,ti tie,caring boyfren...
i've always sees hiimx as a very perfect boyfriend...
but miie n hiimx has no way to continue down together lurhhx...
iie rather he find someone else better than miie and are ablt to get in contact with easily...
so that their feelings would always grow n not fade...
no like a burden like miie...
i've always been a burden...
haiiz...
okay, now iie feel realli down...
lolx..
cause i'm realli is always troubling people...
and iie can't help it...
haiiz...
>.<





11.50pm

iie hope nightmare never comes...

1.37am

sorry for not blogging for so long...
didn't had da feeling of blogging some thing...
but today...
there is...

iie had to declare...
iie hate love...
iie hate fall in love...
no matter how or in what way...
it always hurt...
da feeling of hurt when u miss someone...
da feeling of hurt when u can't seems to get in contact with hiimx/her...
da feeling of hurt when that person is cold towards euu...
da feeling of hurt when that person got angry...

there's juz so many ways of getting hurt...
iie know iie think alot...
but iie can't help it...

iie juz hate love...
iie hate falling in love...
i dun wanna fall in love any more...
iie dun wanna take da risk any more...
guess iie juz had to avoid it...
keep avoiding it...
even if it takes to lie to myself...

for Wee iie had hurt myself enough...
iie think so much untill my brain gonna burst and almost everyday crying myself to slp...
this might no seems real coz no one notice...
and even though every thing slowly grow cold...
and we grew apart...
but this doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when we parted even though it's da best choice for us now...

even untill now iie still look back in da past...
that hiimx...
iie love hiimx so much...
then turn back to now n gave myself a smile and told myself...
"it's all past... oh well, eveything will be alright..."
lies lies lies...
it's always lyk tt...
iie had to...
juz to keep miie smiling...
haiiz...

oh well...
stop with da trying to be so pityfull Ng Shu Wei...
life is lyk tt...
take it or leave it...

haiiz...
oh well...

A Song Fer You All To Enjoy...



WhEn ThEr WaS MiiE And YoU

It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
And once upon a song

Now I know your not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Cause I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe that
I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind

Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

iie got da song...
if u want iie can send u through MSN...





P.S: Oh well... guess iie think too much...
^-^ no worries~...

3.01am