Today never go school again.
My friends in school might be thinking what happen to miie bahhs...
I don't realli love my school but i don't realli hate it either.
I love my frens and love the time i've spent with them.
Even though there's lost of misunderstand though out the 4 years of my norhtland life.
but it's a special place to me...

i'm afraid i can't cope up any more...
i'm nt sure of being able to pass my N levels any more...
if iie don't pass...
maybe, i'll be all alone again when i go to ITE.
and it'll be god dam sad...

been quarreling with my family again.
today never go as i quarrel with my dad in the morning.
i wake up to go school also wrong.
i never wake up to go school also wrong.
what they want miie to do sia?...
iie late wake up ofcoz late finish preparing.
ask dad drive me there then he keep scolding...
so suan lor.
then they say i purposely late de.
my fault again.
everything aloso lyk tt...
then my da jie ownself wake up late then she blame me for making her late for work.
dam pissed...

haiis...
what other reason can iie have to keep me hanging on?...
iie said i'll jia you...
but can iie realli do that...
the harder i'm trying to hang on the more pain iie get from holding on.
sometime iie just wish to let go.
but how?..

i'm a person who's afraid of pain and death itself.
so it's impossible for miie to hurt or even try to kill myself.
the only reason that would hab made me do so...
would be something important enough.
and i swear to god that it's god dam fucking true.

iie feel that i'm at fault that he's suffering...
iie didn't wanna go school...
iie dun wanna show my face there...
iie dun wan himx to see miie.
i'm afraid that he'll be hurt, just like me, whenever we meet each other...
i'm realli happy seeing hiimx...
but it realli hurts seeing hiimx...

Wednesday met himx while going down the excurlator at northpoint.
Thursday met himx while waititng for XiaoWen outside northpoint OCBC bank.
and it's enough already...
iie dun wanna go there anymore...
just in case i'll met hiimx again...
iie dun wanna be there...

iie know iie always sound very dramatic here in my blog.
but it's the only place where iie can write how iie felt and it's totally 100% pure truth.
i can't possibly lie in my blog.
it'll be so god dam meaningless if iie ever lied here, in my blog.
so what if everyone could see and read my blog.
iie just wanna burst out my feeling to the whole world and I'm not even a bit ashame of it.
becuase i'm nt afraid to let the whole world know about my feelings towards hiimx.

I LOVE VINCENT CHEONG HONG XIAN EVEN IF IT'S PAINFUL!

i'll destroy all the jealousy if iie have to, before it turns into hatred and continue loving hiimx!
that's what i've have done few days ago.
dun ask miie how.
iie can't promise that it'll work for other ppl.
but it sure took miie some courage.
and i'm sorry to all those ppl who are always worried about me.

but i'm worry that these would nt hold me on for long.
because i dunno how long do i have to suffer here.
it's nt like iie wish to suffer here...
but iie realli can't help being in love with hiimx...

when ever iie say i love hiimx, iie felt so foolish...
because iie can say iie love hiimx, but iie did nt know how to love himx...
i'm a failure...
sometime, iie just feel like i dun hab the rights to say LOVE this word.
haiis....

i'll end here for today...
going to bed now...
i'm going school tml...
hope that i would nt appeared in his face...
i'll take extra precaution dehhx...

Oyasuminasai. (=