2nd time blog

1:59AM

look like iie survive through my emo...
hahax...
iie juz now slp liao wake up feel better le...
gonna slp soon le...

haiiz....
iie dunno wad iie wants for miie n chen wee...
iie told CP that iie dun nid his forgiveness...
iie juz want him to understand...
but is that wad iie realli wan?...
iie guess nt...



but if that's all too much...
then iie guess ur understanding will juz be enough...




iie feel that iie have so much to tell u...
so much iie hope that iie can share with u...
and to be honest...
when ever i'm feeling down or needed someone...
da first thing iie will say issh...
"iie want dar dar..."
then iie will start going emo...
not only after iie lost u i'm lyk tt...
but before iie lost u iie also lyk that...
i've almost need u so badly that i'm almost totally relying on u...
but when u starts school...
iie get even more down...
becoz...
when ever iie need u...
u are nt there for miie...
becoz u are busy with ur school works...
and as my personality...
iie dun like distrubing ppl...
so iie dare nt tell u anything...
and end up telling my feelings to another guy and made us got closer...

ppl say if u tell ur feelings n problems to someone...
u tend to get closer to that person...
and iie guess that was wad made our relationshiop worste...
and by adding more worste things...
iie break our promises...
to tell da truth...
iie realli forgotten that promises....
haiiz...
iie hate it alot...
why is it my memory fails untill so si bai...

haiiz...
well...
iie realli hope to be able to tell u how iie feel now...
iie regretted nt disturbing u then...
can iie be able to disturb u nt as a fren but as a stead still?...

well...
to have us patch...
iie realli have no face to go back to face ur fren...
iie guess alot ppl sure think i'm a bithch le bahx....
haiiz...
this issh da part i'm afraid of...
iie dunno how to face any of ur frens any more...
they are all such nice ppl...
habing miie this black sheep in issh like...
odd...
to say i'm a black sheep realli weird...
guess iie hab always been a black sheep...
at home also a black sheep...
in PDP also...
haiiz...

this thoughts discourage miie to carry on living...
why?...
this feelings are so hard to explain...

sometime iie would hope iie would be able to ask u da question...
"do u still loves miie?"
coz some of my fren say...
if u dun ask u'll always be waiting for him stupidly...
why dun u juz get an answer stright from him and get it all done once n for all...
but iie can't...
if we are able to patch...
iie dunno how to face ur frens...
if we didn't, i'm afraid to lose a fren like u...
and then i'm realli a gonner by then...
and if iie didn't lose u as a fren...
then i'll get back to da starting point...
so in da end it'll bring miie to no good...

well..
iie think i'm a coward...
i'm always scared...
i'm scard to distrub u coz iie scared u'll feel irratated...
then iie scared u irratated le will dislike miie...
if nt, somethings iie dare nt say becoz..
either iie scared hurt ppl's feelings or we'll end up quarrling and end up making ppl hate miie...
so overall...
i'm realli scared of being hated...
i'm bewi bewi scared of being dislike...

but all this scared here scared there make miie lose even more important ppl around miie...

and now i change so much...
everytime before iie talk iie hab to think of wad iie hab to say...
iie scared make ppl bored or make ppl being lame out by miie...
iie have to watch everything iie say...
and comfirm it funny then iie can say...
if nt i'll get back hurtful respons and know they've been turn off by miie...
iie realli wonder why am iie born lyk tt...
why can't iie juz be care free neax...
all this scared here scared there hab change miie into someone who iie dun even know....
and iie even lost myself....
haiiz...
iie dunno narz...

well...
zou yi bu suan yi bu bahx...
i'll slowly be able to figure out de...





today had a great chat with chen wee...
*smile*