NG SHU WEI! JIA YOU!

24 April 2oo7, Tuesday

My Life, My Story

Chapter: NG SHU WEI! JIA YOU!


Elloz guys~
it's been a long time since iie updat my blog...
i'm sorry...

Coz alot alot of things happen...
But now...
i'm totally fine...
coz i'm burning with determination...
yeah... iie might be a cry baby...
iie might seems like iie uses tears to wash away my wrongs...
but ppl who think like that...
are wrong~... ^-^
iie cry becoz i'm realli saying how iie feels...
and stuff that iie had always wanted ppl to know, to understands miie...
and da reson why iie say i'm a cry baby?...
Coz i've been crying since last week da Monday...
Came back school cry....
Morning wake up, cry....
Atnite be4 slp... Cry...
At home along, cry....
So wad's why crying it's no big deal... everyone crys....
so iie made up my mind...
crying dosen't solve anything...
even it takes miie to cry infront of u all, it dosen't solve any problems...
iie manage to pick myself up from da sobbing and wanna make it all clear and rite...
to dar dar and his fren, iie might seems like a bad gf now...
a bewi flirt gal...
ii'm sorry to cause all trouble...
and creating all da sadness...
iie promise, iie will make things rite...

iie lost cp...
this is a bewi big shock...
that's why iie hadn't be able to pick myself up...
and da stupid thoughts of dar dar and miie growing further make things worst...
even created a problem for miie and dar dar...
and now i might lost dar dar anytime...
iie cried da min iie hung up da phone with dar dar...
iie walked around da house wanting to use com to cool down...
but iie sat down, 3 seconds, stand up...
my hearts feel realli unstable...
iie dun wanna lose dar dar....
iie dun wanna lose anyone any more...
iie tried wanting to cut my vains...
but change da ideal...
partly iie no guts...
partly iie remember promising someone that iie wouldn't and partly...
iie dun want anyone to pity miie becoz of this...
then iie sat at da balcony and cried silently...
asking...
"why?... why? why? why?"
"why am iie so stupid?"
"why do iie like habing kor kor so much?"
"why am iie so selfish?"
"why didn't iie think in dar dar's place?"
"why did this happen?"
"why is it one by one ppl who are most important to miie leaving miie?"
"why? why? why?"
"iie hate myself..."

iie realli turely hate myself...
i made dar dar so sad and disappointed in miie...
iie broke da promise iie made while all iie do issh complaining wad ppl have nt done their part on da promise....
and my memories totally sux....
why am iie keep forgeting stuff?...
is it becoz of da pain all these years in secondary school life created this?...
letting miie forget things easily so that it won't be as hurtfull?...
yeah... iie know i'm emotional and likes to think too much...
i'm sorry for da childish act...

iie went back to bed and keep crying painfully...
plz do not pity miie coz iie say iie cried...
iie juz wan u guys to know wad happen and wad was iie thinking....
then while iie cried iie kept repeating...
"dar dar dun leave miie...dar dar dun leave miie..."
"give miie back my dar dar..."
"give miie back my sisters...gib miie back chew ping..."
"gib miie back my parents..."
"iie dun nid anything..."
"iie juz want them back..."
"plz gib miie back..."
"iie need them..."
iie kept repeating and repeating...
iie couldn't satop myself...
untill 6 plus iie fainally think of someone that iie can turn to...
cheng chin....
iie called her and ask if she was busy...
she wan't...
so iie started talking and end up crying like a baby while telling her wad happen...
iie realli hate myself...
iie know i'm realli selfish...
iie didn't think before iie do any thing...
haiiz...
then iie kept crying then later chengchin cheer miie up...
this gives miie strength to stop crying so badly...
then iie told her tank you...
Cc then soon tell miie about cp...
iie really felt like crying but manage to gather enought strength to hold back...
then iie told her iie call cp a while then she say okay...
so iie called cp and talk to her a while...
everything went fine....
iie was realli glad....
this added courage for miie to stand up again and face my problems...
this make miie realise crying is not da way to solve problems...
u gotta make things clear and solve it face to face...

this issh how iie manage to bring myself to blog again....
iie dun wanna hide everything inside of miie...
iie wanna show everyone how iie feel and left they know how iie feel....
iie hope to understand them and to be understand by them....
understanding them alone dosen't help...
u gotta help them to understand u too...
it's been a long time since iie hab been motivated...
untill iie watch naruto again...
and then it makes miie think back my fav anime...
and that my dreams and goal....

my dreams issh to understand everyone...
my goal issh to be able to make everyone around miie, HAPPY....
iie hab been to busy with myself and forgotten all these...
and now....
iie wanted these dreams to be back...
iie hope to accomplish them...

but for now...
iie wanna solve all da problem...
cp prob seems stable abit now...

but dar dar's...
it's abit complicated...
if only both of us would cool down and talk...
*taking deep breath...*
haiiz...
UHM!
iie muz jia you...


Little Marshmellow Lubb Dark Chcolate....

Da promise iie made had broke...
i'm sorry...
iie didn't manage to remember that...
iie failed in keeping ur trust and understands u in ur place...
i'm too concern about my feelings untill iie forgoten ur's....
sorri....
iie might failed in that promise...
but not da one iie made when iie volmited...
and da one iie made to myself...
and about where my hearts belong...
iie will nt be wrong about my feellings...
promise can be broken....
but the place where a hearts belong can neber be taken away unless u abandon it...

that time iie juz needed someone to listen to miie....
and that someone juz came without notice and made my day by listening to miie and being by my side...
i'm juz simply feel thankful and relieve that atleast iie can say smth out....
that's why i'm so close to him and take his as my gan ge...
my other gan ge are my gan ge becoz of that reson too...
and still... i'm sowi for being so selfish...
for nt stading at ur position and thinks about ur feelings...
i'm too concern for my feeling so iie took him seriously as my gan ge...
but there's smth ealse i've gotta tell u... iie shall not say it here...
let's talkabout it when u're free to chat with miie dar dar...
i'll be waiting for u...
i love u
and iie mean it!....


To be continue....