sorry ppl for post without pictures.
internet been slow as i'm using back my desktop le.
my lappy kinda crash[from the inside].
here goes my post.

Last night didnt sleep well, been crying when my sis is nt home n banging the walls n bed when she's home.
super confused.
i realli dunno wad to do anymore.
i'm so super lost.
so didnt sleep well either.
been waking up in the middle of my sleep almost every 1hr.
4plus wake up, 5plus wake up, 6 plus wake up, 9plus wake up then 10plus wake up again.

then woke up.
couldn't control my emotions so ask GANS to go out with me.
hx reached yishun MRT first then i reach then walk around MRT n NORTHPOINT with himx while waiting for the other 2.
jor n zy.
then after a while, joe reached.
then we went back MRT station n meet zy n took MRT to go causeway point n eat n played arcade.
after that went HX house.
joe left at 5plus for church.
then zy fell aslp around 6plus.
so hx on the Taiwan Drama "HOT SHOT" ep1 for me.

and i was hoping to the one who watched with me was we.
like he promised.
but, guess it's okay.
he's busy with alot of stuff.
glad he's enjoying his life.
i'm happy for hiimx.
i'll be okay alone here.

after 1ep, Hx's parents came home.
watch zy played GO FISH n laughed at hiimx n all.
then chris came n after a while we went home.
been feeling better today with my GANS.
they help me get stuff off my mind when they're around.
but guess i still gotta face it alone when they're nt around.
it's okay.
i can manage dehhx.
wo hui jian qiang yi dian de.

Before i left HX house, i msg wee a msg, he replied.
then i msg him again, he didnt reply for a very long time.
i've been waiting.
even for the whole of today.
i tot he wanted to play BBall.
so even though i went out, i was waiting for his msg n remembering which bus i can take from causeway to tamp, which bus i can take from kathib.
i remembered.
but end up he didnt msg me about meeting me.
and then i msg him n he always seems busy for me.
i understands he's busy n cant always meet me.
but even for a sms or call also busy?.
haiis.
nvm, nvm.

how i wish he can be like last time.
he was always there for me, regardless sms, msn, call or even by person, even without me requesting for it.
he was always there.
now?
i can feel he's trying a little.
but the feelings n the things he said n do always make me feel like he dun need me at all.
he dun mind not having me at all.
tt's wad i feel from hiimx...
tt's wad i've been troubled about.
with sleepless nights.

i'm realli thankful he has hang on so long for me.
but when i realli lose hiimx that day around july.
it made me realise he was always the one i needed.
the love i dreamed of.
i regretted not treasuring hiimx.
yet thankfull all those painfull things happened.
becoz if those things didnt happened, i wouldn't realise how important he is in my life.
and how to love n treasure himx.

but guess...
i can only take it as a lesson, an experience.
i can only long for such love n watch it fly n disappear.
i no longer know how to maintain this relationship.
no matter wad i do or how much i tried, i feel like it nt gonna do anything.
so i gave up.
yeah, low self confident n wad ever other shit u call tt.
i'm lousy at this.
i love hiimx, but...
i no longer know how to work it out anymore.

maybe its time for me to rest le...
and think about all tt had happened.
and learn about it.

let's look back:

the first time i saw Wee was when i'm in sec2 dec holidays.
on 28 or 29 of oct 2oo6 we meet up.
and 1nov2oo6 we stead.
the first time i saw hiimx, i feel sparks and like i met someone special.
and surely, we gt tgt.
then we tried to know more about each other.
childishly, we note down the stuff we like.
and said how compatible we are.
lols.
damn cute.
we always joke with each other n we never get bored of each other.
i throw tendroms sometime yet he always manage to cheer me up.
he always did things for me and i alway did things for hiimx.
we never once quarrel and i feel like we never will either.
i love himx n he love me the same way.
untill my hearts play trick on me and stuff happens.
and more n more worst, things happens.
and our relationship worsen.
but regardless wad, he never gives up.
i was so darn touch but am sad tt i cant reply to his feelings anymore.
i tot about tt i failed this relationship le, i dun wanna failed another so keep pushing himx away.
and when i finally break up.
he came in n brought me out to lots of places to cheer me up.
he never fails to make me feels his existance.
he tends to sms me alot, msn me even untill the last min and even after msn, we called each other n chat till we fell aslp.
but, i drowned myself in sadness n never seems to see wad's infront of me.
someone that has been silently waiting for me, been there for me.
and when i finally realize it.
it was too late already.
i tired my best to get it back to how it is.
but i guess, times fly.
ppl changes.
and he can no longer be there for me anymore.
so no matter wad i do.
nth seems to change back.
nth seems to work it out as well as it seems anymore.

if i could realli go back in time as the me now.
i realli wanna treasure that himx.
that himx tt loves me so much.
so much that i could never imagine.

but, its over...
haiis...

Boii, i just wanna tell you iloveyou.
and no one can replaced that love we shared.

i promise i'll always remember you, and i swear that our love was always true.

[[_it's never too late to try_]]
._sometimes, things just dun work out the way we wanted to_.

xoxo, Jasmine love Wee

P.S:no matter wad, i still loves you.