I'm back from running just now.
Leg's aching for running to much.
Ran to his house.
Dumb eh?
why do iie even go there?...
but...
there's the only place my logs would bring me...
iie couldn't help it.
was cooling down and got caught by her mom.
asked her nt to tell hx.
She went to told hiimx.
He came out.
but iie didn't know why did iie ran away.
iie felt dumb that instant.
i must be crazy.

sat outside his house till 11plus.
he suddenly open the door when iie was tying my hair.
shock.
iie was planning to knock on his window at 12.01 to show him smth.
but was afraid he'll be asleep before that.
but seems like he caught me red-handed...
just wanted to tell hiimx happy birthday.
am i dumb?...
am iie too dumb like tt?...
am iie disturbing alot lyk tt?
iie was scared and worry tt he'll get angry and feel irritated...
iie msg hiimx 4 to 5 msges but he didn't reply...
iie was afraid that he was angry.
but as i sat outside his house, i could hear him enjoying himself playing game.
i was happy.
very happy that he sounds like he's having fun.
after all that, i ran all the way home again.

Today waited at home.
but ask Joe to tell miie when they're free as iie hab stuff to ask Hx
he got free around 2.30pm
so iie call CP to come down.
Then Christ suddenly called miie while i'm bathing.
so asked hiimx down too.

then asked Hx stuff...
gt my reply.

iie dunno...
i'm confused.
asked Hx if he still likes me.
He said no.
Then after iie ask le then CP gt stuff to ask Hx so became her turn to ask him.
The things he told her gave us the feeling he's just dun wan any of us to get hurt anymore.
He said he's tired.
He should know CP would tell miie all that he told her.
But why does he tell her so much and so openly?...
Aren't he worry iie would bother hiimx again?...\

CP told miie he said he doesn't wanna be fren with miie.
the reason was because he dun wanna be unfair to Wee...
smth lyk tt....
haiis...

Now it's like if iie dun contact Wee, he would never contact me.
Even since iie cry in front of Wee because of Hx, Wee became lyk tt.
i wonder why?...

iie did ask hiimx if he's happy.
and he himself said he was n she is making her happy.
i'm happy for hiimx.
realli~...
but iie dun denied that it's painful.

iie did ask hiimx if it's true if he wanna jio her.
He said "kinda"
pain, yet happy for hiimx.

he did ask miie what happen to my hand.
i'm realli realli happy that he asked.
iie told hiimx it's nth.
iie just injured myself.
then he say something like he dun wanna see miie need to bandage it again next time.
iie said iie dun think i could get this bandage off so soon.
and end up blurt that i carve his name there.
he then he pinch my face and tried to dunno pinch my nose or knock my head.
but iie move back so he missed...
he tried again but he miss again and iie held his hand down.
it's been a long time since iie felt that warmness...
was happy.
but iie gotta let it go.
iie know tt's wad he wanted...
for miie to let go...
so iie did...
but physically, nt mentally in my heart.

Used up all my savings to buy them VODKA...
iie couldn't think of anything else that they would wan...
then iie ask if they wan wine.
so joe n Christ wan.
so bought lurhhx.
iie just hope they enjoy their self.

Was glad CP was with miie today.
If nt iie wouldn't know what to do...

sometimes iie feel like iie wanna do alot alot of thing just for Hx.
regardless how pain it is...
but sometimes, iie lost the strength to do so.
I never know trying to hold on the sadness and keep laughing n smiling would be so tiring.

today while asking WL kor to help us buy VODKA.
in the mist of the chaos.
iie feel like iie was gonna faint.
My eye totally black out.
all iie can see was pitch black.
iie feel like iie could just fall aslp right away.
but iie held on.
so iie squat down n ask kor dun fool around, i'm very tired already.
and finally he went to buy.

Am realli sorry for making euu all wait so long for the wine.
i'm sorry HX, Christ n Joe.
sorry for making euu all wait so long.
sorry sorry...

cried again today.
while siting outside his window,standing near his house looking at the sky and while siting at the stair case.
sorry to make euu worry Mrs Cheong.
i'm sorry to bother euu...
sorry sorry.

it's 4.31am in the morning and i'm still nt aslp.
iie went though a big heart attack today, facing my dreamland while habing nightmares, force the sun out of the rain,tried to become a Singapore top runner just in one night, tried to become an actress in a dramatic movie and even tried to gib a surprise but failed so end up trying to become a runner again but went home and tried to become a dolphin but notice there's nt enough water to swim in so came out and started laughing at the fake ghost face in short films.
How crazy can my life be?...

THANKS XiaoWen,Pat,an unknown no, WeeTeng, CP and my second sis for wishing me a happy birthday.
Well, the first person who wish miie a happy birthday today was, Hx.
because after iie asked hiimx all iie wanted to ask, iie wished hiimx Happy Birthday.
So he wished miie back. (:

Oh well, nights.