Today i feel dam down...
Going to school make miie feel happy and sad at the same time.
iie hate this kind of emotions.
iie wanna be happy, iie can't...
iie wanna be sad, iie can't...
because it's all mixed up.

i can be smiling and laughing happily.
but my heart hurts like hell...
fuck it...
heart hurts...

today go school...
see hiimx several times...
avoided recess so tt iie wouldn't meet hiimx...
but while staring blanking outside CC class, he walked past...
so turn back face hiimx...

when i'm about to go back class after that.
saw hiimx standing outside his class door...
so iie decided to avoid hiimx by walking a bigger round to my classroom...
teacher was in class by the time iie walk in.

i'm dam happy to see hiimx...
realli very happy...
but my heart hurts when iie see hiimx...
real painfully...
is it fun to see my in such pain sometimes?...
maybe some ppl out there that dislike miie who read my blog is giggling and laughing with joy at my sorrow...
somehow iie know they are.

been habing maggie mee for days.
how nice could the maggie mee be?...
hope iie eat till iie die. xD
how fun could that be?.

haiis...
iie can't make euu laugh or entertain euu.
iie can't cheer euu up when u're down.
iie can't make euu happy all the time like ur "XiaoZhuZhu", XueYan.
but iie can promise euu, i'll love u...

and iie hate it that way.
no matter what iie do.
iie can't get ur name off my heart...
iie can't help.
being hurt again n again but still continue loving euu.
the feeling of being able to do nth about it kills.
and knowing no one could help miie make miie cry.
because, for that reason, i know...
only euu can help miie...

today WeeTeng talk to miie about us...
she told miie iie should just let go and move on...
who don't?...
but iie can't...
ppl say it's on whether euu wan to let go or nt...
like real it'll be that easy.
iie would hab done it long ago if iie could.
it hurts and it's unbearable.

Hx, even though iie can't hab the rights to say this...
but, i'm hurt.
because...
it's already too late when iie found out that...
i'm already deeply in love with euu.
and for that, i hate euu.
why only euu can make miie love euu so much?...
why does iie feel disgusted if other guys get too close to miie...

so what after we break, ppl been jio-ing me?...
it doesn't make any different.
i'm addicted...
i'm addicted to euu...
every little taste that come from ur kiss.
every little smell that ur body gave off even if they're just shampoo...
the warmness of ur hug...
the cute way euu play with miie when iie tried to touch ur nose or hair.
iie miss them...
and iie remember them well...

even though euu can be mean and care-less sometimes...
and euu can be so hateful sometimes...
i love you.
every little bit of u...
i love it.
no matter what,
i love you...

iie know i do have alot of complain and all i'm good at is complaining about euu when we're tgt...
but even iie myself didn't realize...
because i love you...
and can't get euu of my mind.

iie wanna be able to gib euu love and feel ur love...
but iie dun understand...
sometimes, iie dun feel it...
these few days...
iie suddenly had this feeling of unfairness...
euu treat other ppl better than treating miie...
iie dun understand...
why.

iie feel so hurt.
iie felt so unfair....
iie felt so dumb...
am iie the only one madly in love with euu?

iie remember euu told miie before we stead...
that euu did nt look for love...
iie just came looking for euu.
something like this...
so does that means...
it's all wo xing gan qiang yuan de?...
it's all my own ideal?
it's all just because iie wanted it?...
can euu please answer me?...
please...
please...
please...

iie wanna be able to make euu happy and entertain euu...
but i'm sorry...
iie dun hab the power to...
iie dun know how...
iie can't...
no matter how hard iie think and how hard iie try...
iie dunno how...
iie dun hab the ability to...
is it because iie can't entertain euu, so iie became less important?...
please answer miie...
please...

is it because iie can't entertain euu so euu didn't bring miie out with joe they all?
is it because i'm a gal and iie get period cramps so i'll become a burden, something that wasted ur time when u're with them?
and because when iie had period cramps iie will make euu all bored and worry so euu didn't wan miie with them?...
i feel so lonely...
whenever you're out with them...
iie feel so lonely and left out...
real lonely...
because that time, my world revolve around euu and them...
and because iie wanted my world to only revolve around euu...
because you are my everything...
iie wanna be there to see euu playing happily with them...
because iie feel helpless when it's just miie and euu...
most of the time iie didn't know how to entertain euu...
end up euu always entertain miie...
i'm worry iie can't entertain euu and worry that u'll be bored at home,
i brought my PS2 to u so that it could be something that'll entertain euu...
at least it can be the only thing from miie that could entertain euu...

i'm sorry...
iie should stop bringing up things that's so long ago dehhx....
i'm sorry....
i'm sorry....
i'm sorry....

Today iie found the song that remind miie of Hx.
'If you are not the one' by Daniel Bedingfield.



If You're Not The One lyrics
If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?