Second time iie blog today...
iie dunno what iie can blog...
iie feel like blogging it out but iie can't as there's a promise...

about miie n Hx...
iie love hiimx...
iie care about hiimx...
iie do miss hiimx...
but...
i've hurt hiimx...
so, iie can no longer do anything about it any more...
all iie can do is to...
wish for hiimx to be happy and that he could find another gal way better than miie
[which is sure can and sure will as iie SUX!]
even though i'll be sad that's he with another gal...
but...
iie can do nth about it and iie can no longer be the one by his side...
so, this is the only option...
and as long as he's happy, my pain is worth it.....

i'm sorry...
iie guess a billions sorry wouldn't change anything...
i'm greatly regretting everything....
haiis...

iie know it's too late to regret...
that's why iie dun ask for anything else at all...

Today is one of those day that the pain my my heart increases...
i'm gonna die soon...

never knew it would be so painful...
iie am nt lying...
iie am saying this just so tt ppl can pity miie...
iie am saying just so that someone would come and save miie...
iie realli can't hold on any more...
i'm gonna snap soon...
i'm in pain and in need of help...
iie need hiimx....

iie realli hab so much iie wanna ask...
so much iie wanna know...
so much iie wanna say...
so much iie wanna express....

iie wan hiim to happy...
but why am iie so sad about it...
every time iie heard his name, a knife would stab through my heart...
it hurts...

iie turely want hiimx to happy dehhx...
realli realli...
but, why does it still hurts miie so much?...
knowing that he's happy hurts me but at the same time i'm happy for hiimx...
when will this kind of mix feeling end...
iie can't stand this any longer...

i'm going crazy...
save miie.....

Last night after Blog then meet ma for dinner, gt home juii BOOM!
SLEEP LIKE A DEAD LOG.
darn tired these few days...
ytd at Hx's house dehhx staircase there also almost fallaslp...
then at bus also almost fall aslp...
go home wanna blog then sleep but ma called me out...
then went eat lor...
then home le juii sleep le...

Today woke up at 5am saw CP msg miie that later gt group study...
so went back sleep till 9 plus then wake up reply her...
then use com till 10.50am then go prepare n go XueLing jie jie house...
study till 6.30 then talk talk till 7plus then miie n CP go coffee shop hab our dinner.
then iie walk home while she ride bicycle home...

gt home, bath then online...
INTERNET still dam slow...
then Christ called miie to ask miie how am iie le...
am surprised...
then 1 min after christ called, joe talk to miie online...
DAMMM shock too...
he never auto talk to miie before...
even in the past also never...
DAMMMM weird...
but am happy. (=
so chat till he suddenly go offline...

found a website where there's LOTS of themes for HP dehhx...
but mostly are for NOKIA's brand...
so thinking weather iie should get a NOKIA hp as iie LOVES the themes!

After that saw ErZi dehhx nick weird weird dehhx so talk to hiimx n ask hiimx wad happen...
he told miie wad happen n iie ask hiimx just go n hab fun tml...
let bygons be bygons and play with them tml...
slowly forget the unhappy stuff bahhs...
life goes on even if u hold on to those unhappy things...
so must try to forgive n forget then life will become easier~

oh well, hope everyone will hab fun TML.
=)

well, iie guess i'm realli nt asking those questions le...
and i'll realli let things be le...
even if it's sad for miie...
as long as he's happy...
i'll be happy for hiimx.......

TakeCare Wor...


For XueLing JieJie xD :

Today had my last paper...
Bio...
Mid year sure die le...
i'm doing last min chionging...
last two months...
but still no confidence in passing my N levels...

Just came home from khatib...
Had a small prob will Wen Qiang so never go see doctor in the end...
Walk away as i'm dam pissed off...
didn't do anything wrong then kana hit...
fark it!

Went to Hx BLK dehhx 9th floor instead...
my leg just lead myself there...
but iie go there nt because iie wanna see hiimx and wan hiim to know that i'm there n come out find miie or wad...
iie just wanna be somewhere near hiim...
iie just wanna be somewhere that could have still made miie happy and bless...

iie feel like iie dunno wad i'm doing any more...
iie do stuff le then realize it was quite dumb...
today do alot of dumb stuff that mad miie feel pai seh now...
and makes miie feel that i'm starting to become irritating...
iie hate myself...

these few days i'm dead tired...
maybe because of the exams bahhs...
it feels like iie haven been seeing Hx for a long time...
today iie stare at hiimx after school like no body business like that...
even ask Shu Ning to nt block my view...
then after that then realize it was SUPER DUMB!
haiis...
i'm crazy...
going crazy...

last night wee brought miie to watch movie at GV...
after that we ate mac and start to talk...
dunno how we end up talking about miie n hx n miie n hiim...
now a days when ever he ask miie weather he's in my heart or nt, iie feel my heart real empty...
then i'll start to feel real depress...
i'm hurting Wee again iie guess...
haiis...
when can iie ever stop hurting ppl...

last night iie depress till iie started crying...
he lend miie his shoulder to cry on...
and iie can't stop crying...
my head fills with all the WHYs of miie and Hx...
dam painful...
never had a good cry...
finally can cry out loud loud le...
crying out feel so dam suang!
but now back as before le...
cry lyk never cry lyk tt...
lolx...

Today talked to CP about Hx...
she keep asking miie to take it easy...
but iie know iie can't...
i'm too much of an emotional person euu see...
but iie end up deciding that maybe iie should let things be...
if he's happy as he is right now...
i'll be happy for hiimx...
i'll just stand from a far n look at hiimx...
that'll be enough as long as he's happy...
it doesn't matter even if it's painful for miie...
i'll get over it soon, somehow...

i've been wanting to ask hiim alot of WHYs...
but i'm considering to let it be...
it won't do any good even if iie ask hiimx any way...
it wouldn't change anything...
it's time to realli walk out of hiis life...

knowing that things realli have to end with a FULL STOP and THE END hurts...
iie can't stop the tears from rolling down my face right now...
i'm alone...
iie can cry aloud...
no one would notice, no one would hear miie, no one would be here beside miie...

please god...
let miie move on faster...
the best is to let miie forget of everything...
fell down the stairs, kana high fever n burn my brain, bang by cars or anything~
just let miie forget...

=="
i'm going drama again...
can't help it...
iie am lyk tt dehhx...
sorry wor...

i'll end here

I just got home nt long ago...
alot happen today...
at my most tired day of my life, alot happened...

Morning meet Pat go school tgt...
So got to school early...
Then saw Christ kor so call out to hiim n chat with hiimx after that...
Dunno why iie talk to hiim dehhx shi hou iie keep shivering...
After that iie feel like crying...
I'm greatly disappointed...
SOMEONE said that no matter what happens, nth will change between us...
iie felt so assure...
so happy~...
but what iie gt back was a different word...
behide miie, it was totally a different story...
and iie tot that someone understander miie...
and that he's someone iie can trust...
and he's someone iie bao biie the most between my GANS...
guess i'm to naitve...
or maybe too dumb to understands...

After that Chem test...
totally couldn't concentrate...
ppl do the 3th page le, iie still doing first page...
left two pages blank...
cried abit...
hope no one see miie crying but dunno why HYing like to turn back n look at miie so much...
that she notice iie cried...
used comb to draw out Hx's name...
felt happy seeing his name carved on my arms...

After that, FnN paper...
Teacher was late for half an hour...
no one was happy about that...
after that iie finish my paper in half an hour n spent the remaining 1hr sleeping...
dam tired...

After school went NP...
Walk walk...
First WeeTeng go off with her Gan jie then BaoLi go home...
Left miie, Pat, WenQiang,XiaoWen and PohLing...
So walk walk till 5 plus go near by school dehhx mac...
then meet ShuNing the birthday gal.
then iie treat them eat...
money flew!
and then went home after that...
WenQiang and Pat walk miie till the traffic lights then ben walk miie home the rest of the way as his house is near by miie...
he moved.
then we chat till 8plus then iie went home...
Dam tired...

in between Wee gt msg miie n also called miie once...
sorry to make euu worry Wee...
but i'm fine...

need to pass in my ENG work on About Myself...
as those will be summited in and up into my N levels certificate.
haven even do yet...
how can iie even praise myself so much...
haiis...

Dam tired...
GAMBETTE SHU WEI!
finish HomeWork juii go sleep, tml wake up study!

Today miss a day of exams...
Couldn't wake up...
miss two paper...
darn it....

i'm now resting abit from studying...
haven slept at all...
been studying the whole night...

iie keep having the urged to ask Hx those questions about us...
Are we still frens?
Why did he block miie?
What have iie done to make hiimx hate me?

maybe tml bahhs...
i'll ask hiimx tml....

losing hiimx made miie wanna work hard for N levels...
because when we were tgt, he was alway concern about my results...

Today went to Tamp to find Wee...
he need to go see doctor...
iie dun hab any ez-link or NRIC so couldn't get to see doctor at the poly clinic to get MC...

after that went eat then went to the park sit sit...
then iie started complain how tired iie am of my life...
and how much iie wish iie didn't exist...
after that went Tamp mall walk walk...
Then juii go home le...

reach home bath, eat, watch tv then juii go study le...
till now...
actually gt try to sleep...
but can't seems to fall aslp...
so.... ya...
half an hour more then iie need to go prepare le...
meeting pat later...
we're going school tgt...
been msging hiimx these two days.
he sure hab lots of crap to talk...
they sound crappy but kinda funny...
sometime scary...
lolx...

just now 8 plus he msg miie that he need someone to talk to...
but iie 10plus then notice his msg...
lolx...
sorry wor.

and iie like got all this funny nicknames from his like witch, white skin demon, mad woman and all...
lolx...

i'm going back to study le~...
Gambatte!...
dam tired...
lolx...

GAMBATTE!~....
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............


ChengChin ask miie do this...
zzzzzzz......
falling aslp...
lolx...

Instruction :
Remove one question from above and add in your personal question.
Make it a total of 20 questions.
Then tag 10 people in your list and list them out at the end of this post.
Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

01. What do you want most?
to be happy n free from pain.

02. Where will you go if someone sponsors you a tour ticket?
JAPAN!

03. What's your favourite thing(s) to do?
it used to be hanging out with joe, christ, hx...
but haiis... it's a broken reality...
so now... singing, using com, playing games, hanging out.

04. Do you think money can buy happiness?
maybe, maybe nt...
lolx...
now money is the biggest thing in society.
but mostly, nope!

05. If you can have ONE dream to some true, what would it be?
iie have no dreams actually...
iie think my dream is to marry the one that iie love most and he'll love n treasure miie...
and we'll find happiness tgt! =)

06. Do you believe you can survive without money?
ofcoz! IF FOOD AND HOUSES ARE FREE!

07. Who are you thinking to be with now?
HongXian...........

08. What's love?
something beautiful, something painful, something fun, something exciting, something dangerous, something scary, something worrying, something missing, something dreamy, something out of the world.
*if you can't love urself, you can't love others.*

09. What do you dream of doing in the future?
living my life wonderfully and beautifully with the one iie love and my kids!

10. List out 3 good points about the person who tagged you.
eh...
this is HARD! xD
Crazy, Hyperactive & Clever?

11. What makes you happy?
living my life happily and fun!~

12. What type of person do you hate the most?
People who act clever! DAM DISGUSTING~

13. Where do you see yourself 10 years down the road?
i'll be 26 then...
Hopefully, in a family with my loving husband and a little baby?...
x)

14. At what age do you intend to get married?
1 or 2 year after iie met my other half?

15. Who would you kill, if there's no such crimes as murdering?
MYSELF! dam irritating to hab existed!

16. What do you wish for?
NO MORE PAIN! IIE REPEAT! NO MORE PAIN!!!

17. If you had a chance to change your life, what would you want to change?
TO NEVER HAVE EXISTED!

18. If your friend had lied to you before, would you still give you trust to him/her?
yeap!
forgives n forget eh~

19. Are you courageous enough to tell a person that you like him/her?
if iie think that he feels the same way, ya, i'll tell hiimx...

20. What's your current goal now?
To pass N levels!


eh, sorry, iie don't hab ppl to ask them to do this survey to...
sorry sorry~
poor & lonely miie~

The people :
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Today went school~....
last night 3 plus then manage to fall aslp...
then 5.40 wake up...
cried myself to sleep again...
everything just happened and changed so fast...
iie wish iie can turn back time and just stayed as frens...
so nth between us would change...
or izzit that iie have never belonged there dehhx...
i'm so dam depress now...
haiis....

today when iie reach school, iie saw hiimx...
fell happy seeing hiimx...
but at the same time, sad...
realli wan to look at hiimx...
but can't bring myself to...
as my heart would hurt just by looking at hiimx...
iie wan to ask hiimx...
why did he block miie from MSN?
does he realli hate miie that much that we can't even be frens?

i wanna be able to talk to hiimx again...
and to be able to look at hiimx from afar and wait for hiimx to notice miie like always...
iie wanna be right beside hiimx...
iie wanna be able to share his joy and even sadness...
iie wanna be able to laugh with him again...

when will iie ever recover?...
please let miie recover faster...
or please let miie forget...
iie don't wanna remember anything....

Wee Teng they all advice miie to accept Wee as he's realli a very nice guy...
iie actually told them iie have no confident if iie can accept hiimx that fast...
then they ask miie just slowly try...

today when ever iie say something reminds miie of Hx, they all kinda get siian diao...
lolx...
hear till siian le maybe~...
hahas...
as iie last time also keep complaining iie miss Hx....

Tml wen qiang's coming School le bahhs~
remember him telling miie that he today come back but tml go school...

after school went AMK hub walk walk...
siianx...
wasted alot of money~
iie wanna save $$ dehhx!
from $40 now left $20+...
*bang wall bang table*
think tml after school iie go find CP go study bahhs...
if nt later waste alot $$ again...

Today stayed home again...
being home is alway such a pain...
usually iie nth to do will day dream...
so, currently the only thing iie can't stop myself from day dreaming is about miie n hx...

now a day when ever iie felt pain...
and misses hiimx till iie gonna explode and breakdown...
ii'll feel abit hard to breath n take a deep deep breath again n again...
wonder did iie experience this kind of pain before...
i'm nt sure...
maybe iie did but forget le...
iie guess ever one did too...

every now and then when i'm blogging...
when i'm trying to think how to explain how iie feel...
i'll start to feel giddy and like iie can just fall aslp right here right now...
izzit becoz i'm too tired as my sleeping routine is unstable?...
maybe bahhs...

today actually wanna go joel house n li siao dehhx while studying there...
miss pepsi the doggy of joe house~
but Hx n edbert went his house study...
so nvm...
next time bahhs...

haiis, iie miss hx badly today...
i think i'm gonna die soon...
lolx...

ytd Wee approached miie n ask miie if iie love hiimx n if he's just a substitute for hx...
iie replied that iie can't say iie dun love hiimx nor can iie say iie love hiimx...
but iie feel realli realli happy with hiimx n am very thankful that iie have hiimx by my side...
sometime iie feel that iie might realli start to love hiimx but when ever iie recall of hx, iie feel sad n confused...
sometimes, iie tot iie needed more time so iie asked myself to relaxe and treasure hiimx before it's too late but sometime iie feel like it wouldn't change anything but iie dun wanna lose someone like hiimx again...

there's actually a few time when iie noticed that my hearts no longer with miie nor can it be with any one else as it's still with hx...
there's once iie forget what Wee said but it's regarding my heart...
iie pause for awhile n feel that it's empty inside and iie know just where it went to...
so iie hesitated awhile n think what iie can reply hiimx...
iie never felt this empty before...
haiis...
having sudden headache while writing this post...
wonder why...
almost gonna bang my head to the wall just now...
lolx, jk jk...

it's 12.55pm le...
iie better go sleep le...
tml got school and eng exams...

GAMBATTE EVERYONE!
GOOD LUCK!






P.S: credit to ChengChin, last time she make dehhx...
THANKS WOR.
still love this pic u made.
gt time make another one gib miie~
xD

I stayed home again today...
haven heard from Wee Teng they all for very long le...
Wonder how are they...
Hope we can have fun tgt again when school reopen~
but most importantly, let's jia you for N levels!
iie really really really wanna go up sec5...
so iie can at least still see hiimx again...
For one more year...
because iie know, after that, we'll have separate path le...
iie miss hiimx badly...

Hong Xian, how have euu been?
eating well?...
been studying?
having fun?
must take care wor...

To day as usually, iie think alot alot.
Our past, the memories, the time we had tgt...
Even though some are painful n all, they're still very beautiful.
Because it's OUR memories...
Because there's me and you...
that's why they're beautiful...

iie suddenly recalled...
i've always been in love with euu...
ever since sec1 even till sec2 when we break...
even till sec3, every time iie see you...
my heart beats faster...
and iie get really happy just looking at euu...
seeing you walk past miie by coincident, passing by ur class...
iie didn't put 100% attention to euu then as iie had boyfrens...
did iie told euu, when iie first noticed kim chuan was because during sec2, his background looks like euu...
but now his BG doesn't match urs le...
because, you grew!...
iie remember telling CP about how much crush iie still have on euu during the later part of sec2...
iie was all crazy about u for 2 years then...
after that, iie meet Wee,another guy that gave miie almost the same feeling as euu...
he's also always so cheerful n cares alot about miie...
that's the only same part euu both has...
but iie guess my feeling for u are stronger...

iie guess, u never fails to put a smile on my face...
and iie realli love ur smile...
you had a great smile!...
iie love seeing you smile and laugh...
it makes miie realli happy...

iie realli hope euu are happy right now...
iie know even without miie, u'll be realli happy and enjoy life dehhx rights?...
iie remember euu telling miie that euu are the happy go lucky type...
i'm realli happy that u are that type...
cause u'll surely be happy no matter what happens...
iie guess iie fall in love with ur cheerfulness and caring-ness and the warm that u gave miie that's tell miie every thing's gonna be alright...
iie hope iie can always be beside euu to see euu smile...
but iie guess it's okay even if iie can't be there to see euu smile...
iie realli realli hope for u to be happy always...

i'm guess i'll be alright now...
iie have Wee by my side to cheer miie up...
he'll help miie to learn to put euu down dehhx...
iie hope...

iie hope iie doesn't hurt hiimx...
because right now, i'm nt sure whether my love for hiimx is as a stead or as a fren...
but iie dun bare to lose hiimx as he's realli a great person that changed my life...
and who has always been there when iie needed someone...
no matter how hard or how pain it is, he'll be there for miie...
he'll lend miie a crying shoulder n cry with miie if iie were to cry...
what if it turn out that iie only take hiimx as a best fren or kor or something in between kor n stead?...
iie dunno...

ZhiHao kor told miie before...
to treasure the one that cares for miie right now.
especially Wee who came back even though after being hurt so much.
i'm realli scared iie didn't and regret again later on...
even since secondary 1, my life took a turn and lots n lots of regrets keep piling up...
i dun wanna lose anyone any more...
but iie can't stop missing the one that iie lost...
but when ever iie miss the one that iie lost, iie fail to treasure the one in front of miie...
what can iie do so that iie wouldn't lose anyone...
what should iie do so that iie wouldn't hurt any one?
what must iie do so that no one will hate miie?
what could iie do so that iie wouldn't make any mistakes any more and will nt regret anymore?

today iie saw a phrase while searching for lyric, iie printed out the lyric for the song 大小姐.
then realize there were extra word on the bottom it said:
"那人也许不如你想象得那么爱你,但并不代表不是全心全意地爱你."
for that, once again, iie learn that iie was wrong...

# .iie was wrong for being unfair to you by thinking of my ex when we were tgt.
# .iie was wrong for nt speaking out when there was something bothering miie n solve it tgt.
# .iie was wrong for nt understanding how much u love miie n how much u cared.
# .iie was wrong to have changed myself.
# .iie was wrong for nt understanding you.

i'm sorry...



i've been addicted to this song Lost without you by delta goodrem.
been singing alot these day...
iie remember when we play dota tgt, iie sing n we'll lose...
and ever since, u all say my song is a curse...
but iie know it's a joke...
but some how...
it hurts...
because iie love singing...
and the first person who iie ever sang to was euu...
during sec1...
we sang tgt over the phone...
the song, never be replaced...
and iie guess you realli are never gonna be replaced...


Here's the Lost Without You dehhx lyric...
i'll put the song as my blog song too...
ENJOY!



._Lost Without You_.

I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes (I say)
A little righteous and too proud
I just wanna find a way to compromise
Cause I believe we can work things out


I thought that I had all the answers
never givin in
but baby since you've gone
I admit I was wrong



All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
how am I gonna be strong without you
I need you by my side
if we ever say we'd never be together
in the end you wave goodbye
dunno what I'd do
im lost without you


I keep trying to find my way
and all I know is im lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you


How am I ever gonna get rid of these blurs
baby I'm so lonely all the time
everywhere I go I get so confused
your the only thing thats on my mind


On my bed so cold at night
I miss you more each day
only you can make it right
no I'm not too proud to say


All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
how am I gonna be strong without you
I need you by my side
if we ever say we'd never be together
in the end you wave goodbye
dunno what I'd do
I'm lost without you


I keep trying to find my way
and all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you


If I could only hold you now
make the pain just go away
can't stop the tears from running down my face (ho)


All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
how am I gonna be strong without you
I need you by my side
if we ever say we'd never be together
in the end you wave goodbye
dunno what I'd do
I'm lost without you


I keep trying to find my way
and all I know is im lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
an all I know is
I'm lost without your love
I keep trying to find my way
and all I know is
I'm lost without you (ho)
I'm lost without you



Picture time!




we never realli took any photos...
this is all iie have and this will be all iie treasure.

Today i've been thinking alot again...
but iie suddenly understand why Hx said that it was for the best that we break...
iie guess...
it was all my fault after all...
iie was being unfair to hiimx all the way...
if iie were hiimx, i'll get tired of being hurt again again without making any complains...
i'm sorry...
truly sorry...

but iie somehow feel abit more relived...
iie dunno why...
i'm nt that pain anymore...
guess iie realli feel that iie deserved this?...
and realli understands why he said it was for the best...
iie hope he doesn't hate miie...
iie hope we still can be frens...
iie dun bare to lose hiimx, even as a fren, i'll be happy enough~

iie am sorry.

17 June 2oo8

iie woke up at around 10 plus...
sms CP a bit juii go prepare to go study le...
study till 6 plus everyone tire le...
so become chit chat till 8 plus going 9pm
Then we went on home...
CP walked miie till near my house the bus stop where iie would usually alight from the bus No 859 from Sambawang.
Then iie walked back home...
Talked to CP alot today about miie n Hx...
Realli feel like crying but ofcoz iie can't...
So iie could only fake all the laughter n all...
Having difficulty breathing today ever since iie start talking about Hx to CP...
Told her iie would like to ask Hx if he still love miie...
End up she help miie ask hiimx lerhhx then tell miie...
The answer was negative...
iie realli have to move on...
iie can't stay in this kind of pain forever...
but how am iie suppose to do that?...
it's easier said than done...

iie even plan to go roll down the stairs so that iie might have chance to loss my memory...
at least better than dying...

Today whole day only drink Miso Soup...
never eat anything le...
dun feel hungry...
Sudden Headache present every now n then...
And look how late it is and i'm nt even abit tired...
5.27AM...
Getting harder n harder to fall aslp...
More n more problems piling up...
haiis haiis~

iie gotta get through this...
if only iie could recover faster!
Dam it! hate my life...

save miie

i'm confuse...
i'm dam confuse...

asked joe if hx online today...
he said he did...
but in my list, he's nt...
he must have deleted miie...
am iie realli that hateful that he has to delete me?...
iie dun even have the zi ge to be his frens?....
did iie realli hurt hiimx that much?
is realli everything my fault?...
are the pain iie get also fakes or illusion iie made on my own?...
iie guess iie am mostly wrong...
iie should have speak up when things wasn't right...
iie shouldn't drag till too long and complain everything too late...
and made everything worst....

iie lose confident in love...
iie dun think that iie could love anyone else that much any more...
iie dunno how long would it take for miie to recover....
please let miie recover fast...
iie dun like these painful feeling at all....









[[_Please save miie..._]]

recovering?

Last night, iie cried myself to sleep again...
wonder why am iie feeling so sad...
is it becoz i'm too tired then iie any how think till sad?...
my sudden headach came back again...
every now n then my head will hurt alot alot alot for about 10 seconds then gone...
became quite regular these days...
and iie can't seems to sleep that easily at night anymore...
all my old sickness came back...
maybe iie should go consult a doctor to get pills or smth...

today iie DL a game called wonderland and played it out of boredom...
wonder what is install for me tml...
what would happen tml?
something fun?
something sad?
something ordinary?

ytd iie sudden tot of what iie could become when iie grew up...
maybe a story writter~
iie used to write abit abit of story here n there since sec1...
hahas...
but alot of them are gone now...
iie still remember sec1, Hx said he like listening to mjiie reading my story out...
hahas...
dunno why...
maybe cause iie simply has nth to say?
or does he realli likes it...
if iie were to tell Hx about this, he would said he forgot about this le...
cause iie used to talk about our pass to hiimx but he always said forgot le...
or maybe it's just miie who remember wrong...

now a days iie only eat one meal a day...
unless special things happen to make miie hab appetite to eat again...
ytd ate spagatti only...
the day before ytd, ate mushroom raman only....
today ate curry with rice...
ate that at 5pm dehhx...
but still feel dam full...
maybe iie ate too much rice...
iie lost weight le wor...
actually grew to 48kg...
but now 45kg le~
yay...

just now took a nap...
guess tonight i'll sleep late again...
Hx hasn't been online for 3days le...
he always does stay online dehhx...
as long as he's home, he'll be onli ne dehhx...
unless he go sleep or go out with frens...
but 3days straight le...
maybe he blocked miie from MSN....
maybe he deleted miie...
but why?...
does he hate miie that much...
what have iie done to make him hate miie?...
am iie realli that hateful?...
does he love me no more?...
haiis....



The day miie n Wee went to Beach dehhx photos...

sorry, sushi kana mess up as it's in my bag.

my hand

before we swim dehhx sky

when we swim half way he go take pic.

Wee draw dehhx.

when we are about to go bath.

The end of santosa~

recovering

Even since miie n HongXian broke up, Chen Wee has always been there for miie...
chen wee and hong xian is two guys who iie ever realli loved and realli trusted in everything...
iie am on the road to recovery le...
thanks to chen wee. (=

ytd we went to sentosa.
iie make sushi n miso soup while Wee make sandwich to eat at the beach...
reach HFront then went vivo buy sun block and water.
actually wanna buy alcohol dehhx, but dun hab iie went dehhx and kinda ex mahhs...
so bought pink dolphine instead.
then took train to the beach station.
there are a group of about 5 or 6 jap boys who took the train too.
Wee understands jap so he told miie what they say.
he say they like those kind of fun n frenly ppl.
reach stop n went down n walk to the beach
ate our food n went for a swim.
wear home clothes swim as iie dun hab swim suit or bikini...
lolx...
swim from 3 plus till 6 plus or 7 plus then go bath...
went to HFront there dehhx coffee shop eat.
then took mrt home...
was a fun day.

some ppl ask miie if miie n Wee would be tgt again...
i'm not very confident though...
i'm still recovering and iie dun think iie can say i love you to anyone for now...
he's been waiting for miie for so long no matter how pain it is...
kinda touch but...
iie still need time iie guess...
i'll take this slowly...

Wed went Cine with Wee to meet his frens to watch KungFu panda.
Saw renata...
lolx...
3th time WE saw her iie guess...
lolx...
first time try make up abit n wear a dress...
the show was hilarious...
if iie were to watch with Hx, iie would be able to see hiimx laughting like hell and enjoying the movie...
for that, i'll feel realli blessed and happy for hiimx.
(=

Ytd, miie n HongXian break le...
i'm super down and hurted...
maybe iie deserve it...
for hurting him so much...





but iie can swear i had never hurt this much before...
when sec2 we break, iie didn't cry this much...
and my other ex iie also never cry n felt pain this much before...
why only you?
why?
and iie tot iie didn't love you that much...
but why it hurt more than iie ever imagine...
why do iie miss you more than anything...
and why only you can make miie cry though the night till iie fall aslp...

everything that surrounds miie brings back memories...
iie miss you, iie miss our past, iie miss the time we had tgt, the fun moments, sad moments, you, everything!...
cause now iie can have none of it...
all tt's left is pain and emptiness...



did iie ever told you how important you are to me?
iie havent told you bahhs...
iie am aiming n trying my best to study becoz of you, if not iie wouldn't realli bother to...
becuase you wan miie to have a better future, that's why iie bother to try....
iie always tot life is meaningless and my existance would be best not to exist, but you taught miie not to think that way...
you should know the negative thing that happened to miie...
iie you told miie that you're different and iie believed you...
becoz u taught miie to trust...
iie always tot no one would wan miie becoz iie sux, i'm not pretty and i'm not sure i could be a good galfren...
but u taught miie to have confidence in myself...
iie have always look up to you if u...
sorry if u didn't notice...
but iie have changed so much and iie didn't realise it untill now that it was becoz of u...
iie don't wanna become someone's that so powerless, no confidence can't do anything to help me and the ppl around miie...
iie wanna be just like you, who is smart, wise, friendly and could realli give someone a helping hand when they needed it...


but just that, iie lost my mind...
iie totally lose it...
iie don't know what is blinding miie...
that iie stop being miie....
the one that puts in effort in everything...
the one that love to love and beloved...
the one that keeps quiet and listen...
iie dunno why...
now that iie looked back, i've changed...
i'm sorry...
iie dislike the way that iie have changed...
becuase of that, iie lose you....

Sorry for not blogging for so long...
My internet's been down this few days...
First internet's confiscated and now this...
super suay...
can't even pei dar play game le...
somehow...
haiis...
nth...



Holidays started le...
3Months to N levels...
and i'm still so slackish and lazy...
What could cure and help miie now?...
Want to pass but...
SUPER LAZY.
who can help miie sial...



Meet WeeTeng they all at LJS, they all never go eng remedial but went SS one instead.
iie tot my SS teacher went India and would nt be back today so didn't go.
Then after that send WeeTeng to Mrt station then went back n XiaoWen
accompany miie home to get changed.
Then went NP n walk walk while waiting for that slow turtle, BaoLing...
Then she reach le still need pei her slack one hour at NP then went BaoLi house.

Took MRT to Admiralty.
Then called BaoLi to ask how to walk to her house.
Xiao wen followed wad BaoLi said n walk while i followed.
Then when we reached the pasamalam there, she smart aleck lahhs.
Say she know how to walk from there le.
End up walk wrong way and iie sent a SOS to BaoLi.
lolx

Then end up called BaoLi again n ask her how to walk...
iie direction fail so ask XiaoWen listen how to walk there again...
BaoLi leg hurt but came down n waited for us.
so nice of her huh.
Then when reach, she cook hot water for miie to cook my cup noodle.
MY FIRST MEAL OF THE DAY!
Yummy!
Thank BaoLi.

XiaoWen keep using com to Download song to put in her MP3..
iie n BaoLi gt nth to do...
Darn boring lahhs...
then miie n BaoLi keep complaining that it's super boring...
But after that we chat alot...
Talk to BaoLi about my feelings towards Hx n Wee...
Haiis...
She said the same things wee teng did...
But suggested that this should stop...
maybe iie should realli do something about this.

Then left BaoLi house around 9.45pm at night.
Press the down lift button.
Then when the life came, iie tot iie saw the life floor is at the height of the window.
But when the door open, it was normal, maybe iie see wrong bahhs...
but iie just feel so weird about it.
Press first floor and iie remembered that the lights lit up...
But the door close and it went upwards to 11 floor...
Miie n XiaoWen got freak out and rush down the stair tgt...
Called BaoLi n she ask us to shut dup as she's kinda scared too...
lolx...
took taxi to my house with Xiao Wen...
then she lend my phone to call her kor to fetch her later.
Heng her bro agreed if not iie dunno how to help her out.
Then meet up with ma to go home tgt.

Dar today went joe house ton...
Envy guys sial.
Can ton outside.
gals like miie, CAN'T!
fucking unfair.
hate this!

Good lurhhx, Dar get to enjoy, happy for hiimx...
iie think iie die also can die peacefully knowing that he'll enjoy his life.
:(