Mood swing

3.37AM

elloz...
sowi for nt regularly blogging any more...
no reason for why....
hahax...

YTD...
28 May 2oo7, Monday

ytd at home zou bo....
train maple...
in CASSOPIA...
lolx...
first time so yong gong...
one day lvl 8 times...
lolx...
from lvl9 turn to lvl 17....
lolx...
first time sial...
O.o
lolx...
why?...
kekes...
got reason de...
dun tell u all why leh...
hahax...
wanna know ask miie urself in msn lor...
lolx...

then after that around 5.15pm, cp called miie...
she ask miie wanna go out to hill top anot...
'sun bian' discuss about da BBQ thingy...
then iie say okay lor
iie reach about 6.15 lyk tt...
then later sat at da bench...
talk talk with hui yi a little...
then see CC n Cp ki siao-ing...
lolx...
then later while they discuss about da BBQ,
iie looked up to da sky...
some how....
my mind suddenly flew to somewhere...
then someone name pop up....
who is it leh?...
well...
u all should know...
...
yeah it's his name alrite...
well...
iie suddenly looked back to da past....
missing da past...
da air there feels great...
cooling and fresh...
iie hope everyday also can go there lyk tt relax...
iie am thinking of him then...
but some how...
my mind feels super relax there...
relax untill iie wanna cry
lolx!....
relax uhs...
lolx...
realli wor... bewi relax...
but juz becoz of da thoughts...
make miie almost break down
lolx...
but i'm alrite...
dun worry too much about miie...
i'm realli alrite~...
zhen de~...
then later they left le...
left miie alone at da bench...
coz iie told them iie wanna stay a little longer...
still thinking and relaxing...
then about 7.35pm lyk tt left...
iie think...
then went 221...
bought coke...
went to a stair case...
drink it...
then think think think...
lolx...
then later finish le...
feel bewi tired...
so close my eyes alwhile...
5min lyk tt then go...
then went bought another coke...
then walk home....
then SUDDENLY! *den Den!* <-sound effect
someone called miie...
then iie turn back...
AND!...
saw it's an uncle...
lolx...
then he ask miie iie going home arz?
iie say ya...
then he ask miie where my frens....
iie say home...
he ask miie where iie live...
iie say near chong pang...
then he say holiday le hor...
iie say ya....
he ask miie got work mahx?
then iie say neber...
he ask miie wanna work mahx?...
as flyer de...
iie say no nid...
iie wanna study...
lolx..
lyk real iie will study like tt...
then he say one blk $8...
iie go ==" orh...
then he ask miie u got smoke mahx?...
then iie replied O.o...==" no....
then he say oh~... iie tot u got smoke...
then iie go =.="
hahax...
then he say alot rubbish...
then ask if iie need him to send miie home or not...
then iie replied...
no nid...
my house bewi near...
then he say oh~~....
then he say okay lor... bye bye...
then iie say bye bye...
then iie turn and walk home...
then iie mumbled to myself...
"u think iie stupid?... iie nt three year old..."
u know why?...
coz iie dun even know that guy.... =="
wanna kidnap miie?... or wad?...
lolx...
then later went home...
online lor...
lolx...

Today...
29 May 2oo7, Tuesday

Today neax...
also almost whole day train maple...
lolx...
neber do anything special...
bewi siianz...
today lvl 5 times...
from lvl 17 to lvl 22 le... lolx....
i've reach my targeted lvl...
hahax...
iie target 21 de...
lolx... but got better...
tml my target would be 25...
hahax...
since nth better to do...

hahax today iie shed a tear...
lolx...
while listening to a song...
and thinking of stuff...
lolx...
didn't realise iie was gonna cry till da tear drop...
coz iie was enjoying da music...
lolx...
funny rite?...
hahax...
well...

then later er jie came home about 1am plus...
she quarrel with her bf...
dunno quarrel or break le...
she now still sobbing while using lap top...
haiiz...
dunno narz...
see her cry iie also feel lyk crying...
iie envy her...
she dare to cry infront of everyone...
nt like miie...
iie dun...
coz there's a reson why iie dun...
and why iie am holding it back for so long lolx...
but iie guess no one will ever realise why iie do thing for...
haiiz...
nvm bahx...
use to it can liaoz...
haiiz...
hao bahx...
iie end here...
buaiiz...

._Jasmine_.
✖ Not Alone... [=

iloveyou so much...
and regretted so much that...
iie didn't did my best to love you...
this is da thing that stop miie from moving forward...
and i'm sorry...
very very sorry.....

✖ Living My Life With REGRETS...

Endless Thoughts

3.00AM

elloz...
iie came to blog again....
siianz...
iie dunno why iie start to think of Wee again le...
iie felt like iie have so much to tell him...
so much to express...
so much to ask him...
so much to confirm...
so much to let him know...
and so much thing iie wanna know from him...
so much so much that...
my heart felt uneasy...

iie no longer know how to express myself...
iie always got so much that iie wanna let ppl know and so much that iie wanna know from him that iie dunno where to start from and dunno where's da part that realli matters....
haiiz...
who can save miie neax...
it's been a month le...
my hearts still fill so confuses...
iie dunno whether am iie lying to myself or not...
iie always tell myself....
jai you shu wei...
yao jian chi dao di...
but can iie?...

iie always say that a life is ours...
we gotta walk it alone and jia you on our own...
no one can help us...
that's partly ture....

We need frens to entertain us and make da journey fun...
So to make sure we're not alone...
And that we'll be alrite...

We need family to support us and love us...
So to make sure we'll walk da rite way to da Calm lands...
And that we'll always be reminded that someone loves us...

We need relationship to give us da love we're searching for...
Care and attention we wants...
Concern, time and accompanation that we would always loved...
Endless thoughts and feelings that floods our mind...
And other Un-describable things...
So as to support us, encourage us, inspire us, knowing somone wil always be there when we needed them and fill us with so many Un-describable things...

There are so many other ppl in our life...
like...

Enemy...
Life dun always gose smoothly...
enemy make us learn different things in life that we'll face...

Teachers...
To teach us wad we hab to learn to be able to survived in da far furture...
To teach us alot more about da society life and probs that we'll faces in da furture...

Principal...
To manage everything in school and ensure everyone's being treated fairly...
Even though we dun...
But atleast he's trying his best already...

Disciplinary Master...
To ensure we behave ourself in school so that we'll grow up to be a fine adult...
And not become a wild jungle man...
lolx...

there's juz so much ppl to discribe...
there's also things that happen for us to grow...

Problems...
that we have to solve whether on our own or with help...
we still learn both ways...
it's part of growing...

Tragic...
that always hurts...
it take time to get over it...
but with ppls in our life...
it make things much more easier...

Sometime not everytime and everything we can walk it alone...
We need ppl to guide us, support us and encourage us though it too...
If u hab any problems...
Say it out...
If u're nt happy with something...
Say it out...
If u do not agree with anything...
for da last time...
SAY IT OUT!

it might nt work da first time...
it might nt work da second time...
it might nt work da third time...
but as long as u keep trying...
and with every support u have...
it'll work!
and iie promise that!
as long as we work hard enough...
regardless we did say it or not...
My frens...
My sisters...
PDP...
Everyone...
You've got my support!

So dun gib up!...
Let's yi qi jia you...
You're nt alone...
U got us!....

Even though there's time we'll feel lonely...
We feel like everyone turning against us...
Like how iie feel now...
We might not get da support from da people we want...
There's someone choice for us to make...
We can choose...
There's always be a choice to make...
It's on weather u wan to make da choose or not...
So dun blame it if u dun...
Make ur choice and DO IT!
It might be hard...
Without da support from da ppl u want...
But as long as u work towards ur goal...
Everything will be juz rite...

lolx... this is juz a msg iie wanna past to everyone...

well...
iie know i'm not alone...
iie wanna past this msg to everyone...
but seems like iie past this msg to myself too...
hahax...

We're not alone!
^-^
and i'm realli glad...
Thanks everyone!
Lubb ya guys!
*smile*
And iie love you too Chen Wee! ^-^
SMUACKX!

._Jasmine_. ✖ Not Alone... [=

iie will neber forget euu...
Or euu gals...
all of u will always...
ALWAYS!, remain in my heart!


Nothing had gone to waste...


Thank you everyone!

Chen Wee
Hao
Bing
ChengChin
ChewPing
Benjamin
Ansley
YuHang
Hui Yi
Hui Ying
Yao Zhong
Hendry
Andrew

xie xie da jai!
You're always remembered!

1.13AM

elloz...
sowi yesterday neber blog...
dun realli feel lyk blogging...
ytd Chen Wee suddenly come and talk to miie...
iie was reallli surpirze...
even though he's the onli thing that can keep miie from being stupid...
but iie cannot always rely on him rite...
iie gotta slowly learn to stand on my own and walk on my own...
no one's gonna be with miie forever...
for now...
seriously...
i miss him...
iie miss chen wee... alot... alot....
ytd after iie quarrel with Big sis...
iie went out of da house and cried...
and that time...
my mind pop up da name...
"dar dar"
and his face appeared in my thoughts...
iie juz can't get him off my mind...
da more iie cry,
da more iie think of him...
and da more iie think of him,
da more iie miss him...

Then iie ask myself...
why do iie think of him...
then iie keep on hit my head and tell myself
"get off my head get off my head!"
but seems like it's no use...
haiiz...
then before iie slp,
iie looked at da pillow he gave miie....
i hugged it...
then iie kept think about him, about us...
soon iie stopped myself from thinking...
but it seems like iie can't stopped...
iie held my head and told myself
"stop it! get off my head! stop thinking! AHHHH!"
iie can't stop shouting within my heart...
haiiz...

well...
but today seems better...
iie didn't think so much about him...
iie manage to keep myself occupied today...
morning iie wake up and manage my online shop...
then after wards bath and brought my er jie to ChengChin's house to learn piano...
it seems like it took longer than it was suppose to be...
hahax...
then later went northpoint
Ate mam mam...
took neo print...
and also went Popular....
lolx...
today nt bad... quite entertaining...
hahax...



Here's da Neos~

elloz... guys...
iie juz made a quiz about miie...
if u all hab time, why nt try it out?...


Create your own Friend Test here

Crazy

My Shadow

3.14PM

Konnichiwa!
It's been 4 days since iie last blog...
this four day iie wasn't using da com...
coz internet kana confiscated...
lolx...
but now holidays are here...
and guess i'll become more n more lonely le bahx...
ZH's birthday coming...
haiiz...
dunno whether to gib him present anot...
well...
see how bahx...
thx to my mom for confiscating my internet...
iie could finally stop myself from chating with Zh...
atleast...
this will be better...
coz he could finally be free...
from miie...
while i'm still trap in da world of my own...
searching for an exit...
let time take it's place bahx...

Well...
i'm thinking of ending everything...
ofcoz nt my life...
u should get wad iie meant...
maybe by ending those relationship with others and starting a new would be better...
even though iie know iie still need tons of time to get over stuff...
but...
like iie say...
let time take it's place....
maybe i'll find someone who can guide miie of of my misery...
even iie hope that that someone issh ZH...
but iie know if iie choose to let go then...
let it be bahx...
unless he dun wants to...
i'll always turn back to him if he wants...
iie regretted so much...
haiiz...
forget it...

Now all iie hope for issh for him to understands...
iie dun nid anything else...
but iie guess...
it's nt important any more...
coz if iie want him to understands...
and if he realli do...
iie would wanted him to come back into my life...
so iie rather nt letting him understand...
and he'll be able to find true happiness lyk tt bahx...
i'll be happi for him...
realli!... ^^

Sowi wor...
this few days i'll be breaking so promises...
maybe smoking...
maybe cuting...
lolx...
coz i'm nt good at taking pains...
so i've gotta use other method to stop da pain...
sowi guys...
if u wanna gib up on miie...
plz do...
lolx...
dun nid worry about miie...
juz leave miie to rott bahx...
lolx...
dui bu qi neax...

iie know this kind of pain is nt as bad as other ppl's...
like those with single family or so...
but juz let miie be stupid n silly...
juz for a few months or a year or so...
untill iie find someone else...
either a fren or a stead...
juz as long as iie can find someone, any one...
who could be able to bring miie out of this stat...
i'll stop...
so for da time being...
let miie be stupid...

This few days in school got Northland Olympic...
so no studies at all...
Wed got go since center da lap to do some experiment...
Tue got da cooking festible...
iie was an extra there...
as usual...
a black sheep...
a useless black sheep...
no one needs miie at all...
juz a replacement...
a stupid ku ku standing there do nth...
humph!... angry sial...
lolx..

This few days in school play tai ti...
and gamble $$ so going poke le
lolx...
siao rite...
even knowing iie bad with cards...
but still wanna gamble...
lolx..
good wad...
atleast it made miie feel better...
i'm always a loser any way...
so use to it liaoz...
lolx..
[as iie say... let miie be stupid n silly for a few months or a year]
[so let miie be]
[leave miie to rott]

kay then Thursday neber go school...
then this few days after school nt with Ben jui shi with Andrew...
Thank you for keeping miie company...
Thanks a ton...
[dun worry about miie]

Today gt PTC...
Dad drive miie n mom to school and waited for us in da car...
while we go meet da teacher...
lolx...
my results sux...
U Grade
U Grade
U Grade
U Grade
5
U Grade
U Grade

onli combine humanity pass...
fuker rite?...
lolx...
[sowi for being vagaritic]
[let miie be]

then now fianlly got internet back...
lolx...
so now blogging le...


I wanna Enjoy Life
Like everyone...
But i can't...

Waiting for someone,
anyone,
to save miie...

Wasureta Kioku
Nakushita Kotoba
Iroaseta Kotoba Noni

Boku no baka desu...

Miie n Ben's Shadow

miie n benjamin di

i am juz miie

7.40PM

Oyasuminasai!
this morning iie chat on da phone with Andrew from 6.45 lyk tt till 8.30am...
he might not be so good in some ways but he sure is a good listener...
lolx...
and he's a realli good supporter and encourager...
lolx...
well...
iie dunno wad he told miie might work anot...
and iie know clearly iie dun hab the courage to do it...
lol...
iie juz plainly dun hab enough courage to face my problems...
iie have da courage to stand and stay on my feet...
even though iie might wobble around alot but atleast i'm still standing...
and juz by standing has already used up so much courage already...
iie barely hab any courage left to do anything else...
so far...
iie got Andrew's full support...
and a few online fren's support...
and maybe..
Mr Koh's?.. lolx...
well...
but that still barely enough for miie to walk one step forward....
it's not like iie dun hab enough support...
but becoz iie juz can't bring myself to walk one step forward...
iie hab tot of so much consequences and so much things that iie dunno how to bring myself to walk...
but if iie dun walk...
then i'll always be stuck at da same place same time...
and my life will be forever forzen there...
but iie had never done this before mahx...
i've always be that one waiting and working hard towards it but nt opening my mouth....
arrr...

well...
i'll try my best bahx...
to convince myself...
or is it letting go will be better?...

but...
now...
come to think of it...
if iie were him...
iie will neber be able to forget it...
and might nt even be able to forgive him...
if iie can think this way...
why do iie even deserved to be accepted by him again...

well...
things aren't wad they sees...
and that time iie explain it...
but iie know he juz can't understand and accepts it...
coz all he can feel that time was hurt and was totally covered by hurt that he cannot try to realli understand and listen bahx...
it's nt his fault any way...
iie cause him pain...
and guess...
maybe...
iie shouldn't deserved a second chance...
forget it...
maybe iie should juz gib up...
okayz then....
i've made up my mind....
we're juz remain as fren and slowly... try to get further from him...
it'll be better for him bahx...
even though i'll hurt alot alot...
but this is da only way he could find happiness again bahx...
aren't that wad u should do if u realli love someone...
for gib them happiness?...
if iie cannot gib him happiness then iie let him go to find his happiness bahx...
and maybe tt's all....

this is my decision then...
I've chosen...
and da only one who can make miie change this decision....
issh him...
but iie guess he won't and doesn't need to change it at all bahx...

then it's decided...

i'll up load two music video from naruto later...
da song issh meaning and nice...
lolx...
iie will type in da lyric and da meanings even though both are provided in da video....
but iie juz wanna type out da meaning for better view...
lolx...
so this entry issh gonna be a long one...
hahax
hope u enjoy ur stay...

Naruto ending 9







hitotsu hitotsu omoidaseba
subete wakatteita
ki ga shiteita no ni
iroaseta kotoba wa
boku no sugu soba ni oiteatta
kotaerotte nai yoru to
hitokireru nukumori to
toda sore dake wo kurikaeshi
boku wa ikiteiru
kono ryoute ni hakareteiru mono
toki no shizuku
sotto nigirishimete
wasureta kioku
nakushita kotoba
yeah, yeah [x2]
kono omoi wa...

Meaning of naruto 9th ending

One by One as i look back at my memories
i thought u knew everything
but i was a fool
faded words
were left right at my side
night without answer
rationing out the warmth
longing from afar
we juz kept repeating this cycle
that's why i am alive
what ever can be measured in these hands,
droplets of time
softly grasp them...
forgotten memories
lost words
yeah yeah [x2]
these thoughts are...




Naruto ending 11




dokomademo tsuzuku michi ni wa
ironna koto arunda ne?
tsyogari na kimi ga kyou wa
jiwaki goshi ni namida goe
donna yume oikaketekoko made kitan darou
wakaranaku nattani surukoto wabokuni datte arakara ne BABY
kimi ganamida no toki ni wa boku ga soba niirukara
hanaraba nare no youru datte boku ga soba ni iru kara
boku wa soba ni ir kawa

Meaning of Naruto ening 11

On the road that continues on forever
Lot of things happen, don't they?
You show your courage, but today
All i can hear is your crying voice beyond the roads
What dreams have you chased to get where you are now
Even i have time when i don't understand, BABY
Whenever you're in tears, i'm by your side
Even on night when we're apart, i'm by your side
i'm by your side


i hope u would stop miie in making this decision...
even though iie know u won't...

juz miie

2nd time blog...

6.30Am

hahax... iie nth to do so come blog out my feelings again...
iie juz realize that ever since we broke up...
iie can neber get a good rest...
at bed need lie there for 1 to 2 hours then can slp...
realli~...
iie realli miss him...
my hearts realli feel bewi unstable without him...
haiiz...
hard to explain narz...
iie juz simply needs him...
but seems like he doesn't need miie at all bahx...
well...
guess i'm a burden after all...
forget it then...
maybe...
juz maybe... i'll slowly walk further from him bahx...
then maybe...
it'll be better for us tt way...
even though iie cannot bare...
haiiz...
ARRR!
dunno narz...
iie bewi confuse now...
wanna forget but iie know clearly iie can't...
iie simply cannot lie to my own heart...
haiiz....
acturally iie wanna start smoking again...
but iie remember that time when he found out iie smoke...
he was realli angry...
and da face he gave miie...
it's the first time i've seen it...
it's realli scary...
and i've made a promise to him that iie won't smoke any more...
actually to miie...
if iie made a promise when iie stead...
then after break...
iie would actually wanna break da promise...
coz iie will think that it doesn't matter any more...
since iie lose him...
everything is lost...
but iie also dunno why n for wad reson...
this promises matters to miie alot...
and iie somehow...
i wanted to keep it....

then iie feel like cutting myself...
but scared of pain...
lolx...
dunno why..
sec1 cut also not scared...
but dunno why iie now so scared of pain so much..
stupid rite?....

maybe some of u who hates miie n read this will hate miie even more...
iie dunno about u...
but if iie were u...
no matter how much iie hate that someone....
i'll try to understand how they feel though their blog...

oh well....
different ppl gt different thought and reaction bahx....

haiiz...

Miie...

Today morning couldn't wake up at 8AM...
was da last one to wake up...
ppl come liao then iie wake up...
my daddy god son is so adorable...
lolx...
then blah blah blah...

my sis n mom went out to have breadfast...
while iie stayed at home...
use com...
lolx...

they came home around 2 plus 3 pm...
with bags of rented comic...
lolx...
iie read finish one story le...
it was marvelous... lolx
i'm a dreamer u know...
iie love to dream of fantasy and magical things they will neber happen...
hahax...

today time seems real slow...
untill iie fall aslp liao then the time fly...
lolx...
guess iie hab to learn to love to slp...
lolx...
coz that'll be da only thing iie can do to make time fly....

he didn't online da whole day today untill around 2,3am lyk tt...
guess he had busy day...
hope he has fun...
12 midnite de ghost story...
haiiz...
forget it...
today issh where iie get my answer back...
answers that iie wanted badly from him...
hahax...
guess iie got it answer already...

iie will upload da drawing iie draw ytd later...
and along with a song... from FFX2 de...
A thousand word...
a music video...
da lyric will also be type in later...
enjoy ur stay while iie dun... hahax....


Here are da drawing...
drawing 1 sux...
iie like drawing 2 n 4 betta...
lolx...




1000 Words

i know that you're hiding things
using gentle word to shelter miie.
Your word were like a dream
but dream could never fool miie.
Not that easily...

I acted so distant then
didn't say good bye before you left.
But i was listening
You'll fight ur battle far from miie.
Far too easily...

Save your tears cause i'll come back
I could hear that you whisper as you walk through that door.
But still i swore,
to hide my pain while i turn back the pages.
Shouting might have been the answer
What if i cry my eyes out and beg u not to depart

But now i'm not afraid to say wad's in my heart

Cause a thousand word
call out through the ages
They'll fly to you
even though i can't see
i know they're reaching you
Suspended on silver wings

Oh, a thousand word
One thousand embraces
will cradle you
making all of your weary day seems far away
They'll hold you forever

Oh a thousand words have never been spoken
They'll fly to you,
and carry you home,
and back into my arms
suspended on silver wings

And a thousand words
call out though the ages
They'll cradle you
Turning all of the lonely year to only days
They'll hold you forever

A Thousand Words~...




iie would wanna enjoy life...
like how u could...
but could i?...

i am nt important to u...
rite?...
i'm nt a special someone at all...

iie have a slow brain
and slow reactions...
so therefore...
i dun take hints...
lolx...

would anyone juz end my life now?...
lolx...
iie muz be crazy...
well,
i AM crazy...

Alone - Use To It

4.30AM

Today iie couldn't wake up for school again...
When iie woke up iie slack on my bed...
Looking back to da past...
And then iie remember Chen Wee use to call miie up in da morning last time...
Was realli thankful...
But never got da chance to realli thank him...

Therefor...
Today iie drew out my feelings...
iie drew 4 drawings...
but can't blog up da photo now...
Due to that my Digital Cam is in my dad car...
i'll try to get da Camera back tml n take da photos n blog in up okayz?...
Hope it's not too ugly...
hahax...
iie hab drew before 2 pictures and blog it up on o3 March...
if u like, u can view it back...

well...
today didn't do much...
almost da whole da on da computer...
play a little maple and surf a little web...
kept hoping that time would juz fly but it juz seems slower n slower...
iie still remember da time when i'm with Chen We, time realli fly...
But now...
It no longer fly...
it seems like it has and injure wing...
Hope it's wing recover soon...

Today iie tried downloading FL again...
But it got a bit improvement but it seems to still have error...
Actually wanna gib up le...
But he told miie nt to gib up...
was realli shock but realli glad...
^-^

Then later he ask miie pei him listen to 9.33 coz 12am gt ghost story...
iie was realli glad...
but in da end he mistaken da date so dun hab ghost story...
it's okay narz...
let's listen to ghost story together tml okayz?
^-^
iie always wanted to show him how iie realli feels...
but iie always had to hold back...
coz, i'm afraid if iie do, we won't be as close as now le...
i'm realli scared to not be able to be this close with him any more...
so iie didn't make any move nor show any true feelings...
but some how, iie can feeling a bewi big improvement in da closeness with him n miie...
and i'm realli happi...
bewi happi...
bewi bewi happi...
Thank You Chen Wee...

Today iie realli felt like asking...
Wad is da place am iie in ur heart...
and
Wad am iie to him?...
But felt stupid...
Why would iie wanna ask such things...
Even though iie realli hope iie could get da answer...
But it realli doesn't matter bahx...
It's okayz~...
^-^

Today keep sneezing...
Guess i'm coming down with a slight flu...
Hope it get better...

Juz now when iie watching tv, my daddy walk past da tv n iie saw abit of his undies showing out...
So iie told him... "daddy, ur undies come out liao..."
he didn't reply...
so iie tot he didn't heard miie...
so iie repeated myself...
"daddy, ur undies come out le narz..."
then my da jie say...
"nvm lahx..."
then my daddy say...
"all family wad... scared wad?"
then he pull his pants lower lyk hw teenagers lyk to wear their pants low low lyk tt...
then a bigger part of his undies showed...
then my mom saw liao keep laughing lyk hell...
iie was glad...
my family is acturally enjoying themself with this joke...
then my da jie say...
"mummy, daddy's undies too small liao narz... next time buy bigger de"
then iie replied..
"ya... buy those kind u can pull all da way up and cover ur tummy..."
then my mom laugh untill even lyk hell...
lolx...
iie was realli realli happi...

Tml my daddy's God Son will come to our house pray pray...
iie needa wake up at 8am but i'm still nt aslp...
hahax...
he's 11 year old this year...
small than miie by 4 years...
guess daddy muz hab like him alot...
or does he juz wanted a son so badly?...

Everytime iie wanted an answer...
iie would ask myself but didn't get da answer...
so i'll end up telling myself....
iie guess...
it's okayz...
and return with a fake smile...
^-^...
it makes no different...
but iie can atleast lie to myself...
and push down my sadness within...

Here's some cute shot strip...

Be My Penguin

Die Without Ur Love

From then on...
iie will and wants to treasure everyone around miie...
But will they?...


i'll be working hard...
Kambatte jasmine!
iloveyou...

Weak Heart, Weak Determination...
All iie nid is a little pull n a push forward...
Will u do da favour?...

When will da name Marshmellow belong to miie again?...
i'll be waiting and hoping...
Even my hopes are so low...
Let's juz give it all we got...

some people says...
dun get ur hope too high...
da higher hope u have,
then higher u'll fell from there...

i'm almost out of enery to fight on...
i'm nt recharge-able...

My only source of enery is U...

5.03AM

2nd time blog

1:59AM

look like iie survive through my emo...
hahax...
iie juz now slp liao wake up feel better le...
gonna slp soon le...

haiiz....
iie dunno wad iie wants for miie n chen wee...
iie told CP that iie dun nid his forgiveness...
iie juz want him to understand...
but is that wad iie realli wan?...
iie guess nt...



but if that's all too much...
then iie guess ur understanding will juz be enough...




iie feel that iie have so much to tell u...
so much iie hope that iie can share with u...
and to be honest...
when ever i'm feeling down or needed someone...
da first thing iie will say issh...
"iie want dar dar..."
then iie will start going emo...
not only after iie lost u i'm lyk tt...
but before iie lost u iie also lyk that...
i've almost need u so badly that i'm almost totally relying on u...
but when u starts school...
iie get even more down...
becoz...
when ever iie need u...
u are nt there for miie...
becoz u are busy with ur school works...
and as my personality...
iie dun like distrubing ppl...
so iie dare nt tell u anything...
and end up telling my feelings to another guy and made us got closer...

ppl say if u tell ur feelings n problems to someone...
u tend to get closer to that person...
and iie guess that was wad made our relationshiop worste...
and by adding more worste things...
iie break our promises...
to tell da truth...
iie realli forgotten that promises....
haiiz...
iie hate it alot...
why is it my memory fails untill so si bai...

haiiz...
well...
iie realli hope to be able to tell u how iie feel now...
iie regretted nt disturbing u then...
can iie be able to disturb u nt as a fren but as a stead still?...

well...
to have us patch...
iie realli have no face to go back to face ur fren...
iie guess alot ppl sure think i'm a bithch le bahx....
haiiz...
this issh da part i'm afraid of...
iie dunno how to face any of ur frens any more...
they are all such nice ppl...
habing miie this black sheep in issh like...
odd...
to say i'm a black sheep realli weird...
guess iie hab always been a black sheep...
at home also a black sheep...
in PDP also...
haiiz...

this thoughts discourage miie to carry on living...
why?...
this feelings are so hard to explain...

sometime iie would hope iie would be able to ask u da question...
"do u still loves miie?"
coz some of my fren say...
if u dun ask u'll always be waiting for him stupidly...
why dun u juz get an answer stright from him and get it all done once n for all...
but iie can't...
if we are able to patch...
iie dunno how to face ur frens...
if we didn't, i'm afraid to lose a fren like u...
and then i'm realli a gonner by then...
and if iie didn't lose u as a fren...
then i'll get back to da starting point...
so in da end it'll bring miie to no good...

well..
iie think i'm a coward...
i'm always scared...
i'm scard to distrub u coz iie scared u'll feel irratated...
then iie scared u irratated le will dislike miie...
if nt, somethings iie dare nt say becoz..
either iie scared hurt ppl's feelings or we'll end up quarrling and end up making ppl hate miie...
so overall...
i'm realli scared of being hated...
i'm bewi bewi scared of being dislike...

but all this scared here scared there make miie lose even more important ppl around miie...

and now i change so much...
everytime before iie talk iie hab to think of wad iie hab to say...
iie scared make ppl bored or make ppl being lame out by miie...
iie have to watch everything iie say...
and comfirm it funny then iie can say...
if nt i'll get back hurtful respons and know they've been turn off by miie...
iie realli wonder why am iie born lyk tt...
why can't iie juz be care free neax...
all this scared here scared there hab change miie into someone who iie dun even know....
and iie even lost myself....
haiiz...
iie dunno narz...

well...
zou yi bu suan yi bu bahx...
i'll slowly be able to figure out de...





today had a great chat with chen wee...
*smile*

5:09PM

iie juz cam back about an hour or so ago from walking in da rain...
da rain realli feels so good...
iie woke miie up from and wash miie clean...
hahax...
iie bath already dun worry...
iie dunno wad am iie typing now...
coz iie kinda dizzy now...
maybe gonna be sick le...
but iie dun care lahx..
iie musn't be sick...
iie cannot be sick...
somehow iie remember smth that iie cannot be sick...
wad is it then?...
did iie promises someone before?...
iie dunno now...
coz iie bewi dizzy now...
breathing also got difficulty...
i dun feel quite well now....
an iie hope this continues...
better having a fever and burn my brain plz...

hahax...
feel lyk volmiting...
arr... die arz....
this feels so bad but my heart feels contented...
lolx...
iie sick iie bewi happi...
dunno why....
hahax...
muz be going crazy soon...
if iie manage to hold till da nite then i'll blog again...
look out for da 2nd entry of da day wor...

btw, i'll be habing da phone beside miie...
call miie if there's anything...

gonna be sick le...
it feels good being sick...
why is it so?...
iie dunno...
better hab fever...
burn my brain...
and let miie forget everything...

Gibing Up

Today iie didn't manage to wake up to go to school...
haiiz...
alot happen...
iie would wish to write it in...
but...
iie couldn't...
guess this secrets are better off kept secrets...

Haiiz...
iie wouldn't neber be able to reach Chen Wee any more...
Juz like how that someone will never be able to reach miie...
It hurts...
haiiz...
sorry that someone who i've hurt...
guess iie realli deserve it this time...
Cp n CC...
u both might say bf next time still can find again de..
iie totally agree with tt...
but iie dunno why...
wad ever iie do it seems like this feeling juz keeps hunting miie...
i had neber love someone this much before...
why am iie so silly...
why didn't iie treasure it untill iie lost it...
iie realli deserve it...
dun iie?....
i'm dying soon...
maybe already rotting...
or decomposing...
haiiz...
iie dunno wad to do narz...
becoz of miie iie had hurt so many ppl in da process...
and making their life so miserable...
wad should iie do now...
no matte wad method iie try, it juz keep coming back!
WHO IN DA HELL CAN UNDERSTAND HOW THIS FEELS?!?!?!
some maybe dose...
but if there is?...
can they plz help miie...
iie dun wanna remember...
can iie juz go out to da road and get bang by a car now?
maybe that can help miie forget...
iie do deserve this suffering...
but iie can no longer take it any more...
plz end my life now...
even now as i'm writing this...
i'm holding back my tears....
holding back tears are so uncomfortable...
my heart feels like it's frozening...
iie gotta set myself free...
yeah...
but how in da hell can iie set my feelings free?...
da feelings juz can't get lost...
help miie lahx... plz....

u all might read my entry le either say iie silly, stupid or u'll juz hate miie...
where iie know some ppl out there does...
if u wanna hate miie...
hate miie bahx...
iie can't do anything either...
coz iie hab no rites to ask any one to be in my shoe
or at my point of view and understand my situation any more
or even forgive miie....
as iie did not try understanding his feelings and stand at his point of view in da begaining...

my time has realli stops in April...
iie had realli lost myself there...
iie lost my heart along with it...
that's why...
it feels so empty inside there...
and that's why it hurts so much inside there...
that's why it's frozen inside there...

sorry everyone...
to bother u all...
to always talking rubbish...

and if some of u want miie to go find counselor and talk about these...
then it's...
IMPOSSIBLE...
i will never tell this to da counselor...
coz it's a bewi long story with HIDDEN SECRETS...
iie hate myself to da core...
iie feel like dying...
this might sound stupid n silly...
but try being miie...
and u'll know why...
iie agree it IS stupid n silly...
but iie dunno wad iie can do any more...

sorry Mr Koh...
u might think this is stupid n silly too...
but as iie say try being miie...
u dun nid to talk to miie or send miie any comments any more...
coz i already know wad u'll be saying...
and iie can tell u...
that dose not help any more...

i'll try to bare with it...
but plz...
dun blame miie if iie could not hold on long enough...

coz iie hab enough le...
iie realli dunno how long iie can bare with it le...
pray for miie then....



[dun worry this is nt my hand]


DeadCorpse

Trap

2nd time blogging today

1.03AM



sowi for blogging again....
iie juz had a chat with that someone again...
as iie say...
that someone issh da only one who knows and understand how iie feel....
we had a so called 'little chat' and iie finally burst out all my stress from within...
the thoughts and emotions and stress that iie had been hiding all this while...
i've been lying to myself again n again...
untill this someone broke miie free from those lies...
why is this person unlocking all this pain from within?...
this person juz plainly only talk and juz by talking,
he unlock all this pain but nt da ties in my hearts...
it's something like making miie feel worst yet making miie learn to face reality...
i'm so trap now....
i'm trap in my own thoughts and emotions now...
Thank you for helping...
haiiz...

Now if u view my blog in IntenetExplorer, u'll hear da song...
And this song...
is for a special someone...
iie dunno wheather he'll visit my blog anot...
but...
juz hope u'll listen to this song....
even though iie dun turely understand this song...
iie juz hope u roughly get wad iie wanna say...
and so...
by this song...
u can roughly understand my feelings...
and ofcoz...
for everyone else too...
enjoy da song...





Trap in my little emo cage...
And tied down by my thoughts chains...
Who can free miie now?...

Home Alone

Today woke up in da afternoon... forgot wad time le...
last nite slept at 5am plus...
hahax...
da 3th nite iie slp so late le...
lolx...
Woke up nia found that i'm slone at home...
well... it's fine with miie any way...
use to it le...
maybe even better off that way...
lolx..
but it sure issh boring...
coz my internet's down...
thx to my stupid da jie...
lolx....
then today nt feeling well....
this few weeks neber drink much water...
now pimple pop up again...
ai ya...
make till nice nice liao then suddenly stop drinking plain water for a few week nia
then now 5 pop up le...
ai yoz...
miie ugly liaoz...
lolx...
neber mind bahx...
i am who i am wad...
let it be then...
gotta start drink water again le...
if nt iie gonne be sick soon le...
talking about water....
where da hell did iie left my water bottle...
iie wanna go drink some water a while...
gib miie 3 mins...

3mins later...

yoz... back...
lol...
iie like abit zhi bi uhs....
can even blog that i'll be back in 3mins...
lolx...
hope ya all dun mind wor....

today feel as emty as ever...
guess i'm getting use to this feelings bahx...
but now iie added one extral feelings to myself...
haiiz...
why iie mei shi zao shi zou....
now iie feel bewi de...
xing ku...
haiiz...
ai ya... headach narz...
this also cannot that also cannot...
like wadever iie do also will hurt someone....
haiiz...
wonder wad iie should do neax...
haiiz...
zuo yi bu suan yi bu bahx...

who can un tangle these ties in my heart neax...

ans: no one...



maybe...
someday...
i'll find that someone...
that could...
untangle these ties....
again...

Sisters Outing

14 May 2oo7, Monday

Well...
today dun hab school...
last nite slept at around 6plus going 7am...
told someone something...
that someone issh important...
that something even more important...
hahax...
At least that someone is da only one who turely understand how iie feel now...
well...
that feels lighter...
even though iie hope that da someone will be another...
but... it's okay bahx...
it'll neber happen any more any way...
da possibility issh lyk 8% to 100% nor...
hahax...
well...
guess it's alrite...
wad crap am iie talk any way...

Today woke up at 11.12am lyk tt...
CP called mahx...
then saw wanna go out...
yeah...
iie kinda forgotten about it...
so irresponsible of miie...
then later actually bewi tired...
dun wanna go...
but think back...
cannot lyk tt PS them...
and go against wad we had already plan...
so called CP back then say i'll go...
Then iie finish preparing at 12pm and called them back...
they were about to leave their house iie guess...
iie sat at da stairs waiting for about 5 min then went toilet...
come out saw them liaoz...
lolx...
then CP bought da tickets le...
so iie payed them back...
then we watch Spider man 3
was kinda nice narz...
looking forward to da next movie though...
hahax...
then during da movie miie n CC keep talking...
then iie somehow scared that CP will feel left out...
but iie dun dare disturb her...
hahax...
so some how only miie n CC keep talking during da movie...
lolx...

guess cheng chin love da kissing part alot bahx...
muahahahahax.....
bleahx...

hmmm...
then cheng chin bewi cold...
iie also kinda cold but neber mind narz...
guess to miie issh alrite...
accept for da few moqitoe bite that only iie had...
lolx...
why only miie?...
hahax...
tasty blood iie guess...
then today found out cp same blood as miie...
An A blood...
hahax...

after da show we went to food court eat mam mam...
iie ate chicken rice...
Cheng chin ate black pepper chicken rice...
hahax...
at da western food there de narz....
then Chew ping ate nth...
lolx...
she say she kinda full...
due to her eating da hot dog Jumbo
lolx...
she drank da milo ice...
iie also drank milo ice...
then Cheng ching drink Ice lemon tea...
hahax
then we chat chat chat...
then walk walk walk...
then met my er jie at NP cold storage...
then pei her buy ice-cream and frozen pizzia...
then later iie bought a few earing...
hahax...
nice nice...
juz small fake round crystal de...
iie dun like big big actrative de...
hahax...
juz lyk small small de...
tt one nice and simple mahx...
hahax...
then later 4.30 we went home nor
then iie about 5pm lyk tt fall aslp all da way till 10pm plus...
lolx...
then now no nid slp liao...
so blogging...

Mr Koh now talking to miie in msn sial...
hahax...
we talking about life things lahx...
like... ai ya...
alot alot lahx...
hard to explain...
yuan lai teacher always face so many probs...
iie kinda envy him for being so strong inside...
jia you oh lao shi~
^-^

wah lao...
iie juz realise my post always type i'm in April de leh...
see my last post...
iie always finish posting iie will read then see April iie change may...
last nite neber check propely...
so neber realise...
da 5th time iie type i'm in april le leh...
like as if my time issh stuck at april lyk tt...
maybe bahx...
coz that's when iie lost myself...
even untill now iie can't seems to find it back...
when will my time come back to reality?...

Suddenly...
iie remember....
every single thing...
that iie am trying to forget...
will iie ever be able to forget them again?...

siianz

13 April 2oo7, Sunday

WOOT!
so fast mother day liaoz...
my cleaning da house plan kinda work iie guess...
mom was relaxing since she got home...
accepts she did mop da kitchen floor nia...
hahax...

ytd nite chat with chen wee....
untill 4am plus...
but got chat with other ppl also narz...
and in between got go do some stuff also...
and surfing blog skins too..
hahax...
was realli happi....
we chat as if we were a bewi close fren..
hahax...
was realli glad...
let's hope it'll be like this forever...
hahax...
chating without worries and other thoughts...
juz frens....
tt sure feels good... hahax...

Today woke up at 3.30pm....
then online...
then blah blah blah...

this few days iie dun feel quite well....
my headach became more constant...
like juz a 10 second head strike...
lolx...
cannot understand wad iie writing hor...
well... like juz bewi bewi pain for 10 seconds or so...
it always happen suddenly out of da blues...
hahax...
maybe iie going sot soon...
habing on off flu too...
lolx...

well...
these few days sure is relaxing...
hahax...
no nid worry about exam...
but still bewi worry about my studies...
iie did not try hard enough this exam...
haiiz...
iie muz kabatte le...
uhm!

haiiz... nth much happen today...
juz feel that my days are growing lonelier hahax...
dunno why...
it juz feel so emty...
no matter wad happen or whoever issh by my side...
it juz feels so emty....
iie juz cannot be turely happy...
but why?...
everything's solve le...
but why neax?...
dunno neax...
haiiz...
forget about it...
now study important bahx...
well...

that's all for today...


PDP still or PDP then?...

Sistership that i'll neber forget...

friends forever!

12 April 2oo7, Sat

Miie and Chen wee gt better as frens le...i'm realli glad...

sowi for nt blogging for so long...
coz i'm in exam... kinda busy...
alot of remidial from afternoon all da way till at nite 10pm plus...
hahax...
then got alot maths remidial...
iie miss my maths paper 2 and geo sial...
ai ya...
dun talk about it le narz...

Mr Koh gave miie n cp alot of remidial sial...
he so hard working...
he somehow and dunno how became my fav teacher le bahx...
hahax...
werid but dunno why...
maybe becoz he's someone iie can regard as a fren bahx...
coz he nice to bully...
wakaka... sowi... no offence kayz...
well... bought Mr Koh a wallet...
coz see his wallet issh an envelop like...
er... werid narz... then scared if he goes any where with tt ppl will gossip...
so that might help alot...
then cp bought him a pencil box...
coz his pencil box issh a zip lock...
lolx...
then da new teachers all left school on Friday le...
accept Mrs Lee...
a female DnT teacher....
woot! got a female DnT teacher at last...
and she's also a bewi nice teacher...
good to talk to....
then our class eng teacher left again... da thirt time this year...
siian... lolx...
well then went couseling on fri with hui yi...
nice chating...
hope it last longer but can't... lolx...

today iie missed CIP...
coz cannot wake up...
hahax...
then monday gt go school coseling again even though no school on tt day...
but no harm going counseling rite?...
hahax...
juz a talk narz... nt realli counsel...
hahax...

haiiz... these few days alot of things happen...
i've been doing things unwillingly...
hard to tell u all...
hope u guys dun any how think wor...
juz... dunno wad i'm doing...
i've never been this lost n confuse in my life before...
since April, i've lost everything and even lost myself along with it...
now iie got back most of da things...
yet...
iie still can't find myself at all...
i'm so lost walking down da road
iie can't seems to find any one to lead miie at all...
not even a sign board in my life road....
iie gotta walk this road alone...
without any help or any sign board or anyone...
it's so lonely and lost...
so many splits road to choose from...
so many different road...
some lead to danger some lead to darkness some lead to lonelyness and alot more...
like so messy...
it's juz so hard for miie...
iie dunno weather u guys see it anot...
my hardwork and my effort...
hope u all do...
but if u all dun... then it's fine with miie too iie guess...
i'm kinda used to not being notice any way....
hahax...
wad's with all this crap...
iie guess iie should juz shut up...
lolx...
but ofcoz iie can't....
juz need say these feeling out... even though it's not realli all of my feelings here...
but it's okayz....
as long as iie dun nid to carry so much weight on my shoudle....
knowing that whoever read and tag cares for miie...
so thanks everyone for read n tagging...
and thx da 'someone' who tag miie...
but...
i'm realli lost that iie dunno how to reply u already....
i'm stuck at a 3 way split road...
can't make up my mind....
going crazy soon...

RoTTen MaRsHMeLLoW - LOST n CONFUSE... BURING IN HELL... [lolx...lame...]

Tyco
Cp
Cc
Ben
HYi
HYing
Hendry
Cia Yang's group of fren

*u've made a story in my life*
*u've made my life intresting and fun*
*u've made my life crazy and confusing*
*yet...*
*i'm very thankful to meet u guys*
*Thanks a Ton*

why?

o6 May 2oo7, Monday [2nd update]

12.22AM

juz now chat with chen wee...
begaining iie was feeling okayz...
but all he would answer was nth...
why is it so...
everytime when i'm trying so hard to reach out to him as a fren...
it juz go BOOM!
like it's imposible already....
like everytime iie tried so hard and then bad things happen...
dosjte?..
why is it so?...

are we not ment to be contact or be together any more...
do our faith ends here...
if we continue, even as a fren, hurtfull things will happen?...
ai yoz...
iie dun wanna think so much...
how iie hope iie can forget him..
but iie can't...
iie let go of da past...
let go of our relationship...
but why?...
even as a fren is also imposible...
iie dun get it....

Do our faith realli ends da min we broke up?...

School

o6 May 2oo7, Monday

10.45am

Today had 7 periods of MATH!
Mr koh muz be crazy...
hahax...
coz he's hardworking bahx...
but he lyk abit sot neax...
always "no no no no no"....
hahax...
but that's wad iie think that's cute about him bahx...
dun worry...
iie didn't fall in lve with him lahx...
juz find him a bit special...
coz like hen 'zi bi'
hahax...
tell him iie n my stead break liao then he still say...
"no no no no no... break nt good nt good... no no no no no"
hahax...
funny hor...
poh li they all also cannot ta han him...
but he's leaving northland by this week bahx...
wad a pity...
hope he could stay longer...
hahax...
we'll never be tired for his "no no no no no" de narz...
hahax...
even though iie didn't realli listen to his class to day...
oz today feel bewi slacky...
haiiz...
siianz...
why neax.....
tml maths paper 1 le iie still dun wan nu li...
zhen shi de...
tao yan zhi zi...

then iie got closer to PDP le bahx...
iie juz gotta work more harder
and make sure no one's left out...
today hui yi...
iie know she's been left our servral time after school de shi hou...
dunno how to start a conversation with her
so iie ask if's she's thirty and all that...
coz we're under da hot sun...
da day seems brighter and brighter for miie now a days...
i'm slowly learning to put every thing in da past as past bahx...
even though...
iie still look forward for him to online everyday...
but it's better off being disappointed bahx...
coz iie find it bewi stressful talking to him..
afraid that i'll make him angry and all that...
coz he usually answer with ... or -.-" ...
so issh lyk..
hen pa ta hui tao yan wo...
but iie got a feeling that he dose...
maybe becoz he juz can't yuan liang wo bahx....
juz becoz i'm so stupid to not stand at his point of view...
and looking deeper into stuff...
that's why iie end up losing so much things around miie...
well...
iie juz gotta work harder then...
^-^
kay bahx... iie end here for today...


My day seems brighter and brighter....
i'm glad iie would be able to stand up even without u...
well then...
Let's look on the BRIGHT side~...
^-^

o5 May 2oo7, Sat

So fast may come le...
juz by saying "may" make miie recall of smth...
hahax...
u muz be finding miie bewi emo rite?
one day depress another day nt....
hahax...
coz as iie say iie kept standing up and falling down...
everytime when iie try to let go... something happen to hit it all back to miie again...
well...
guess life issh lyk tt de bahx...
it is painfull realli...
but many ppl dun wish to see miie like that bahx...
so...
iie guess iie juz gotta stand up again bahx...
no one could help miie but myself iie guess...
well... let's no talk about these any more...
it'll juz make miie think more and get more depress...
hmmm...
i'm saving money bewi hard now...
iie bought my monthly contact lens le...
but da first day iie wear it, it hurt my eye alot...
sobz...
hahax...
well...
coz iie keep on touch my eye bahx...
then now iie wanna save money to buy wallet...
then later some other stuff too iie guess....
oh!... and Chen wee birthday...
hahax...
gotta save too bahx...
atleast that's that least iie can do already bahx...
hmmm...

now a days gotta study real hard le...
but iie can feel that my heart still bewi lazy...
dunno why....
haiiz...
can iie juz change a heart?...
my heart rott liao... muz go change heart...
hahax...
juz kidding nar....
kay bahx...
that's all bahx...

P.S: to those who always read my blog...
Thank you alot for ur concern...
iie dunno u read it becoz u concern miie or wad...
but still thanks for reading~... ^-^

o4 May 2oo7,Friday

so many thing happen in juz one month...
guess iie was da one who spoiled my own life myself...
i've been standing up and falling down so many time that i barely could stand up any more...
life is nt juz about one person...
but everyone~
why do we need frens?
why do we need relationships?
why do we need family?...
to support us, encougrage us, lift us up...
and most importantly, to stay happi with us...
iie dunno how long can iie hold on....
no one seems to care...
accept for my family...
but...
iie dunno...
iie still feel so empty...
iie feel like no one could understand my feelings now...
the pain...
the suffering...
iie might nt be as unfortunate us some other ppl...
but this is something iie had neber came across with....
not even any of my fren...
so many thing juz pop up all of a sudden...
if it' s not important nvm....
but all of it plays a very big role in life...
can anyone help miie?...
i've tried...
but no...
i'm tired of being disappointed and being stupid...
iie had been so stupid all my life that iie cannot let go so easily...
why am iie always lying to myself....
iie lied to myself that ppl around miie are my frens....
they cared for miie and like miie as who iie am....
iie lied to myself that my relationship might juz have hope....
iie lied to myself that iie juz hab to try harder....
but...
no one seems to notice...
so wad's the use for even trying?....
i'm realli tired...
iie realli hope that iie can relaxe...
even sitting infront of the com dosen't help any more...
wad iie need issh someone...
someone important...
someone to brighten up my day and make miie go on with life....
iie realli need someone to help miie...
please....

iie couldn't slp all nite...
iie can't slp with such a heavy heart...
it hurts so much....
iie had neber been through this pain before....
atleast for once in sec one...
iie dunno why...
iie tend to take outsider more important that family...
maybe iie juz afraid of loneliness....
iie dun wanna be alone outside becoz it's such a big world?...
who know?...
dosjte?...
haiiz...
i've neber been so lost in life before...
i'm such a failure in life....
everything that iie say are feelings so deep inside that even saying it hurts...
who would be able to help miie?... a strength of one is not enough...
haiiz...

Marshmellow this word hurts alot...
Apple this words hurts alot too....

LOST MY STUFF....

o2 May 2oo7, Wednesday

Today issh such a suay day...
Morning wake up rush my research...
Then da whole morning keep raining....
Even untill iie go to school still raining...
Then almost late for class....
Then lost my Hp n MP3...
Then later acturally wanna go take contact lens n buy thing at causeway become iie fall a slp at home...
waste my time...
then dream of scray things even...
wah...
si bie suay...
Then worst thing issh...
iie mornring eat a maggie noodle then issh abit bit chilly de...
then now my tummy whole day so pain...
WAH~... can die arz...
sobx...
da hp...
no sim card...
but iie lost my memories...
and iie lost my fren...
even though iie hab them back... but...
somehow...
iie still feel iie lost them...
haiiz.. dunno narz...

11.22pm

iie juz finish talking with ben on da phone... he seems to hab some problems with his stead...
well... juz hope things go well for him...
now feeling rather cold even without da fan off...
iie thing i'm gonna be sick soon...
haiiz....
forget it...
let miie be then...
no one cares any way...
use to it le bahx...
now a day i've only be depending on myself....
iie dun tell anyone any thing even my family...
iie dun say much...
juz hope to be able to hold up these smile long enough...

Leave miie alone...
Who cares any way...