If u think tat i'm in good terms with u then u're FUCKING WRONG! Dun smile&talk lyk i'm gd frens wif u, coz we're FUCKING NOT! My life is NONE OF UR BUSINESS. I dun need ur FUCKING CARE&CONCERN. I HATE YOU THE MOST! I can't help it any longer!
xD sound familiar? it's in my Friendster's shout out. Hope that that iidiiot would notice it. Who's that iidiiot? It's a secret. (= Guy or Gal, it doesn't matter.
人总是爱上不该爱的人. 该爱的却老是不会好好真希. 爱你的你不爱, 不爱你的你却去爱. 真爱到底在哪里? in 10 pairs of couples, 7 to 8 of them are facing this problems. one sided love. One can't live without the other one. While the other one can live without them. When will we find the one that we'll love n love us back as much as we loved them? Ppl around me are currenly all facing this. So far, all 5 of them. (=
today went to school. Only gt Me, John & PohLi. XiaoWen was late for school. WeeTeng end up never come to school. She say she fall sick. Hope she get well soon.
I LOVE PE! I LOVE SPORTS! WOOT! Me, who used to hate sports the most, LOVES SPORT NOW! wow! xD
Today ate one meal only. Am saving money. (= Left my money home. Brought $2 to school only. Ke lian. lolx!
After school, we go tio the China Butch tai ji. Because she keep on harassing ShuNing. Msg her: "i love you." "i die gib u see" n all. it's like ShuNing so innocent n blur then like dunno what to do & feel so lost. Teach her to msg her n tell the butch her feelings that she dun like her n ask her stop contacting ShuNing but tt china butch still keep on dun wan let ShuNing go. Use shuning HP to msg her with our names, we told her to stop everyhting. Then she reply like so XiaLan. Then after school i kindly ask her wait for my fren a while as they haben come down then she rudely say "i very hungry, i want to go eat!" Feel so fucked up. Then i reply "nvm dehhx, euu go Canteen eat lor, we meet you there."
Then later KaiLing & Sophia they all come down le then we talk to her. Wah Lao, i tell you ar, everyone talk to the Butch & her group of frens till wanna volmit blood. They dun talk sense de. All they wan is to shoot us back. Such simple things she make till so difficult. Only ask her stop contacting ShuNing then she say talk till so GuaiLan. BaoLi say "we only ask from you to stop contacting her from now on." then she replied "what min, what sec?" So fucked up. LiYing even almost slap one of the gals there sial. xD Hiong sial.
went NP walk walk after that.. They ate long john & i ate AIR. yummy! ==" xD
When we looking at some cameras, someone said excuse me behind me&XiaoWen. So we tot that someone wanna see the camera so wanna move away. But end up is a few YishunTown guy who asking for my number. Shock sial. Then i wave wave my hand like rejecting again n walk away wif them. At first i tot they were asking for XiaoWen's number. xD
Got home around 6.30pm. Bath n ate my first meal of the day. The food taste sucky.
YTD after school went remidial. Guaiis hor? (=
29 Aug is BAOLI's birthday. We're gonna celebrate it either on 28 or 29 aug. We're gonna go eat sakae! YAY! MAM MAM. tt's why now saving $. lols.
Today didn't manage to wake up for school. See, like iie predicted last night.
Am home for the WHOLE DAY. it's a sad day for me today. EMO day.... Being alone is just sad. i can't imagine life without my frens. it'll be terrible. no one would be there for me and goes out with my and accompany me like how i accompany them. Food does taste better when eaten with people. (=
i've been repeatedly telling myself, "i'm not alone" i have my frens n family. i can go through almost anything. i hope...
I dun realli blog about Wee everyday doesn't mean i dun love hiimx as much as Hx alrights. it was always hard for me to choose between them. i love them both equally yet differently. You would probably be thinking "HOW FLIRTH CAN THIS GURL BE?" Or "how can you love two person at once?!?!" All these seems impossible. But that doesn't mean such things doesn't exist. And sadly, i'm the suay one.
I know out of 100 ppl. 95% would say i'm FLIRT or I HAVEN GROW UP SO WILL HUA XING. yeap, i haven grow up but to me, i only need ONE stead. I dun need two, it's troublesome. even i myself dun understand why. Why am i like this? Am i realli flirty by nature? Am i realli so hua xing by nature? Am i realli that evil?
I REALLI DUN UNDERSTAND.
Seek counselor also no use. all sure say we're in a growing state so will experience immature love. but not everything also got link to SCIENCE dehhx okays. count me as suay can?.
i only need one person, one stead,for me to love! )= it that so hard?
i've always envy couple that can last more than 1yr dehhx. i've always dream to find someone who i would love and that our love would last long long dehhx. i wanna find that person to spent the rest of my life with. No matter what problem we faces, we can solve it tgt. We can celebrate our anniversary every month & every year! We will never be afraid that we would be alone during any occasions as we would celebrate it tgt. We can accompany each other to places we wanna go and enjoy our time. We can have someone to count on everyday & on almost everything. We can do the things we enjoy tgt. We eat our favorite food tgt. We can share our secret tgt without worrying tt he would think bad of you. Always habing that someone at my side no matter what happen. Knowing i will NEVER EVER EVER be alone as long as you got hiimx. It's like a PROMISE, a CONTRACT, a FOREVER NEVER ALONE thingy. Because i love hiimx n he loves me, so clearly in our mind, i know i will NEVER EVER EVER be alone. Because the LOVE we both have is like HONEY that stick both of us tgt.
This is why, we would feel threatened when other gals/guys get close to our guy/gal. We would be afraid that this gal's/guy's honey are stickier than our and would stick our guy/gal away. Afraid that we would be alone again and there would be no promise that someone would be there for us anymore when we're single, we panic and do silly stuff without knowing that it would cause more harm to the relationship. Putting the LOVE we had at risk. But if the LOVE is strong&mature, nth can break them apart.
LoVe. One word, Four letters, One meaning. & PaIn. One word, Four letters, One meaning.
Today went to school by cab. Because was gonna be late for school le. Then F***ing driver mix up what i say then blame me. i told hiimx go NORTHLAND SECONDARY. he brought me to NORTHBROOK SECONDARY. ask hiimx turn RIGHT. he turn LEFT. then keep blaming me and say "it's your own school then you dunno what street it is!" "if iie begaining go wrong place you should have told me" but how i know you bring me go northbrook?!?! it's all f***ing near my school! almost the same rout lor! Then lyk tt cause me $8.90. F***! )x
after that school was normal. Didn't went to GEO n SS remedial. MissMo is so gonna kill me tml. )x After school went AMK hub there and go to all the HP shops and ask if sell an LG touch screen phone can sell how much. PohLi wan change HP. there total about more then 10plus HP shops.
After that, bus home and get ready for tuition. Meet HweeHuang & XiaoWen then took MRT down. Was late for tuition by Half an hour. Had maths test today. i failed by 2 marks! first time almost pass! xD 28/60
gotta work extra hard! can't believe my math better than them. i tot iie am the one most hopeless of all in the group. Dam Happy now! wanna jia you more! (=
Now dam tired. my dayily life sometime dam tight, sometime dam lose till i am so damn bored. i LOVE my busy life! but i dun hab much time to sleep. Hope i dun fall sick! KAMBATTE SHU WEI! last one month plus. gotta jia you.
Hilal told me if i got in ITE and perform darn well in my first year, can straightly be promoted to POLY. wonder if iie cannot get in Sec5, can i chiong my ITE? worth a try. if 1year cannot juii 2 years lor, better than nth. (=
now iie wanna sleep le. been habing back n shoulders aches for weeks le. wanna get a good night sleep now. if not TML sure cannot wake up.
MY PANDA EYES GROWING DARKER N DARKER! IT'S BLOODY UGLY! )x
last night iie had a DREAM... iie dream of WEE!... iie dream that it's after our exams le. so iie contacted hiimx and asked hiim out. then he said he'll reply me the next day. The next day arrived and there was no news of hiimx. so iie waited till the next day. then he finally called me. but it was a gal who called me with his HP. and she said "Wee won't go out with you de lahhx. he won't want to go out with you de. he dun wan you." Then iie was shock and asked "may i know who is this?" then she keep saying "wee say he dun wan go out with you" then iie ask her again who is she. then iie heard wee voice. then he answered the phone. then he say "sorry, i dun like you any more. i got galfren liao.it's to late for you le. goodbye" then both laugh laugh and hang up the phone. my heartaches and iie cried in my dreams. in my dream iie even told wee teng that "i tot i wouldn't be so sad dehhx. i tot i won't hurt so badly dehhx... but why?" WeeTeng tried to cheer me up but iie still crying.
Then iie wake up from my dreams le. but the hurting of my heart from the dream is still there. Chocho jump up my bed and step step me. as she step, my heart hurts too due to the dream. and my mind is like "ouch ouch ouch... WTF" because my hearts hurts. iie dunno why suddenly gt this kind of dreams... haiis. this kind of dream sux. cause when i wake up my pillow will be wet as iie cried in my dream and the heartaches last even after i wake up... haiis...
Today time pass damn slow. tried to study. but it like totally no mood. study alone is like...==" zhe mo ban? who can help me... )=
8pm meet er jie at bishan and walk walk for fun. she bought a skirt and two plants thingy. after that juii go home le. short but fun...
wonder what is install for me tml... feel like it's gonna be like always... nth special, nth sad, nth surprising, nt very boring but nt very fun either... just normal...
maybe happiness is out of my dictionary. it will never exist till maybe, 5years later?... i am currently to dumb&stoopid to hab any. what is happiness? where do happiness come from? how can i identify happiness? how am i suppose to keep this happiness? how can i build this happiness? am i too young for happiness? when will my happiness come?....
._i destroyed my own happiness_. (= [[_HowClever!_]]
been thinking alot today about me and wee. all thanks to my stoopid dream. iie forget what was it about. but it was something convincing me that, Wee could be WAY HAPPIER without me interfering with his life. iie cannot be so selfish to stop hiim from meetting someone better and being with someone BETTER THAN ME. )= i would be plan selfish if i stop him from habing his happiness. because, after so much damage i made, I WILL NEVER BE HIS HAPPINESS. I CAN NEVER BE HIS HAPPINESS. I AM NOT HIS HAPPINESS....
iie am someone who creates only pain n suffering for hiimx. the min that he let go and gave up on me, no, infact the min i let himx go, our times end there. the time for us to stop and go our separates ways. no matter how much we do, we won't be able to be tgt. it's fate....
we failed our test... iie was the one who failed our test.
For US, i failed to be faithful.
For hx n me this year, i failed in trust.
For Kim & Me, i failed to see.[choose hiimx as my stead tt time as his BG look like HX's last time]
For hx n me when we sec1, i failed to be there with hiimx.
For LinZhen n me, i failed to LOVE. [WORST!]
in every relationship, there will be mistakes. When will i ever stop making any more mistakes?...
Today was like slping till DAMN suang lahhs. UNTILL! someone called me. Who lehhx? CP lahhs!
iie was still dreaming lurhhx. i dream of Pat, Me, John & WeeTeng go 鬥牛 basketball with other 4 more gals. We took cab down to dunno where and it cost us $80+!!! Then meet the gals and walk tgt towards the basketball court. Loser hab to gib winner $100++ as we were walking, someone's phone rang. Then i ask Pat "you phone ringing ar?" then he replied "no, not mine" then iie was like thinking "isn't that my phone's ring tone?" Then i open my eyes and realize it was my HP which is ringing and i'm lying on my bed. AND IT'S ONLY 10plus IN THE MORNING! iie slept at 5AM ytd! and iie only slept for a bloody short 5hrs. )=
Oh well. Then she chat with me till iie am awake le. Then ask me go prepare go XueLin jie jie house to study. actually dun wan go dehhx. but end up going. study study! >.< iie wanna COMPLAIN! CP SLAP MY LEG TILL RED AND SWOLLEN! )= but nvm. (= because actually is iie sensitive skin.
After that Pat keep msging me and huiying. Then CP called hiimx and joke joke threaten hiimx nt to sms us le. After that he still msg me then she call again. Then he still msg me then this time CP asked "who msg euu again huh? pat right? iie gonna call and scold hiimx again" then iie say "你说是就是LOR." [the phrase she ALWAYS use. so iie copy her] then all laugh laugh then she ask again who is it. Then iie say "wee wee~" then she say "realli tyco huh, iie realli call hiimx n scold hiimx huh" then iie say "你说是就是LOR." (x BUT, NEVER KNEW SHE REALLI GO CALL! so iie was like O.o and keep tickling her.
After that me and XueLin & HuiYing keep find chance to plan celebrate Cp's birthday. Then heng i got wear the braclet they gib me on my birthday. As CP used most of the time trying to make the bracelet smaller as it's abit too big for me. Called pizza and gave present. accept my present iie haben gib her yet. iie just ordered online and i'm still waiting for the order to be confirm and sent in. (= the supplier needs time alrights.
After that we hide CP shoe n hide CP HP. DAMN HILARIOUS IIE TELL EUU. xD
After than played a lit bit of hide n seek around the block. We have kidnapped CP's HP then. Muahahahs. But we manage to exscape back into the house and into XueLin's room. By the time they come back, the mahjohn table and mahjohn has been set. So we played a few rounds. AND FOR THE FIRST TIME OF MY LIFE, I WON! TWO TIMES! MIRACLE! CAN GO BUY 4D! SURE WIN. xD
was enjoying myself today. but compare to last time. it was only half as fun.... oh well, better than nth. i'm happy with my life now. this kind of life is more like reality. a life full of happiness and no problems nor trouble seems like a dream. it will only be real for a while and gone like a bubble after that. life like this will never exist forever. it's OUT OF REALITY.
Enjoy the song: Tonight
I remember the times we spent together On those drives We had a million questions All about our lives And when we got to New York Everything felt right I wish you were here with me Tonight
I remember the days we spent together Were not enough And I used to feel like dreamin' Except we always woke up Never thought not having you here now Would hurt so much
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up I need your loving hands to come and pick me up And every night I miss you, I can just look up And know the stars are Holding you, holding you, holding you Tonight
I remember the time you told me About when you were eight And all those things you said that night That just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in And the games we would play All the times we spilled our coffees And stayed out way too late
I remember the time you sat and told me About your Jesus And how not to look back Even if no one believes us When it hurts so bad Sometimes not having you here I sing
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up I need your loving hands to come and pick me up And every night I miss you, I can just look up And know the stars are Holding you, holding you, holding you Tonight
I sing Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up I need your loving hands to come and pick me up And every night I miss you I can just look up And know the stars are Holding you, holding you, holding you Tonight
P.S: this singer breath dam long. can sing one paragraph with one breath.O.o
Sorry for not blogging these 2day. Was busy. If iie could remember everything of this two days. this post would be a BOOM. (=
iie happen to pass by this blog call love bite me. this gurl, the way she blog is like, wow. Short yet simple and meaningful. iie wanna be able to blog just like her! xD but my English nt very good. So, yar.
Wed had Chem night class. During the class, Pat keep smsing HuiYing. HuiYing even called hiim. OI, we habing class lahhs hor. =="
Then after class, he was on phone with her ever since we got on the lift, even till the MRT. Let them talk lor, iie listen to my song can lerhhs.
After that went buy French fries and went home. (= Got home ate Udon too~ yummy!
Thursday after school. Went around with Wee Teng , PohLi & xiao wen. Firstly went to Bugis to buy bag. XiaoWen n PohLi buy bag.
We went to all the Bag shop in bugis. And one of the shop has 3 guys and 1 aunty selling bags. Then one of them say he lives near NorthlandSec. But we ignore that and walk out. xD
But later on, when we pass by the shop again, one of the guy came n talk to me. He say "there's one guy who wants ur phone number, the white hair one in the shop just now" Then iie was like O.O and shaking my hand like saying "no" and walk on. WeeTeng, XiaoWen & PohLi were all walking in front so they didn't notice untill iie tell them. =="
After that, they brought me to Plaza sing to find CP's birthday present. Found smth intresting to buy gib her. (= Then iie also found the monkey shirt. Muahaha! Bur it's not sold at PlazaSing. It's somewhere else~
As iie walk pass bugis, IIE SAW LOTS OF NICE CLOTHES! iie was like eyes opened wide wide looking at all the clothes lahhs. iie wanna save money to buy clothes~ They were all so SWEET!
Then today, gt alot tai zi. But all none of my business dehhx. Cause iie wasn't involve at all. Wee Teng call ppl down to settle one thing. But end up become more than one thing. Cause one problem leads to another. =="
After school juii go down lor. Then drag from 12.15 to almost 3pm. Damn long. As iie waited, iie keep eating. Ate french fries, ice cream and Ban mian. ==" Fat liao. lyk tt $10 fly. lolx.
Oh oh, today pat cry. Think last night scold hiimx too badly le. >< Then he cried and ran away. Chased after hiimx but end up lost sight of where he ran to. Oh well.
And today has Chinese oral exam. The reading part iie sux. The conversation part hai hao. But hope iie dun fail. Just pass iie also happy.
Then after oral juii 4+ le. Went to NP walk for fun till5+ or 6+ with XiaoWen,PohLi&KaiLin. After tt juii go home le. Reach home, lie on bed, BOOM. fast aslp. Wonder why so tired sia.
Then wake up, saw WeeTeng msg me, saying that her GanKor wan to know me. i reply "which one" as just now settle dai ji dehhx shi hou gt alot. Am just curious alrights. But she never reply. Think i reply too late le. She's probably sleeping. hahas.
ONE MORE WEEK TO PRELIM. ABOUT 1MTHS TO N LEVELS. ZHE MO BAN? must kambatte le. ==" stress. xD
47 days of single life. Am enjoying it all. My life is 60% happy & 40% sadness. (=
My computer is getting worst and worst day by day. IT'S BLOODY LAGGING AND SOME PROGRAMS WOULD STUCK AND I CAN'T POST MY PHOTOS HERE! )= AND NOW IIE CAN'T EVEN PUT PHOTOS INTO MY HP! )=
I'm now at Joel house. (= meet Joel under my blk. We chat quite a lot. He said it's been a long time since we went out tgt. And iie agreed. He did ask me when will we go out tgt again. iie told hiimx, when miracle happens. (=
even if miracle might happen, it won't be that soon. Maybe 5 or 10 years down the road. Hahas.
Today didn't go school. )= i'm sorry. Over slept. will do extra page of assesment as punishment dehhx.
MISS PEPSI BADLY! AND FINALLY ABLE TO SEE HER! wanna take photos of her later. then can post it here. iie came to his house for this resons. POST PHOTOS! (=
MY BLOODY COMPUTER DUN LET MY POST MY PIC ONLINE! F***! xD
Life sure is shaky and uneven. So troublesome. Oh well, life still have to go on. )=
Trying my best to study le. Who can chiong study with me??? iie wan pass N levels!
Today is Racial Harmony day. The whole of 4NA wear traditional clothes. ShuNing look gorgeous today. (=
Am able to speak to Hx, Joe n Christ normally le. dunno why. hahas. They all wear Malay traditional clothes. Nt bad looking but sure is weird. xD
Hx even sms me to Cheer on me on getting Wee back. lolx. Dam surprise. Oh well, there's still stuff iie hab to settle. Dun wanna make any more mistakes. iie still hab 1month plus to make everything clear to myself n all. Gotta think through this carefully before iie make any more mistakes. iie dun wanna restart the damage iie made. )=
Today After school went to AMK hub buy sushi and ate with fren. PohLi, ShuNing, XiaoWen, Andy, WenQiang, Pat & me. a group of 7, my fav Number! Total bought 12 packs. One pack gt 18 small sushi. iie bought 3 pack. muahaha. MAM MAM!
then everyone bought their share too. iie wanna post the photos here but.... GRRR! INTERNET SOT. eat till dam full... Gonna grow fat le. hahas.
haiis. i'll find chance to post up my pictures dehhx. Maybe go Joe house make or smth. (=
Today woke up 11am plus. Last night drink Wine till this morning headache one whole day. iie drink like only one cup lahhs. is it because of wine or is it because i've been thinking alot lastly?
5.30pm meet er jie at Summerset MRT station. Went to cine n walk walk. Then went to dunno where to eat at the restaurant call The Big O. ate the spagatti with meatball & the during cake coated with chocolate. It's called Spike D. Bought one home for mama too.
After that juii go home le. Then went Np, find er jie wan dehhx stuff. Then went pop walk a while. After that bought mam mam. Er jie wan eat smth but she only gt credit card so she use my cash to buy. bought one more pack for mama. hahas.
now home le. siian. end up today never study. >.< tml must study extral hard to pay off for today never study. kambatte~.
Been thinking alot. i'm still wondering. did iie make the right choice? iie dun wanna make any more mistakes. iie dun bare to lose hiimx again. but what if everything can't be the same again?... haiis...
maybe, now iie should be the one to put in effort le. it's my turn. if iie realli love hiimx. it shouldn't matter at all dehhx, rights? (=
oh well... alrights. i gt my answer. xD
but, it'll depend on what he wants... Preparing myself...
Today didn't went to PTC. Mom was sleeping when iie wake up. But she told miie when she wake miie up, iie didn't wanna wake up so she sleep back. But iie can't remember such a thing had happen this morning. >.<
Today went to study at XueLin house. CP n HuiYing both never go. siian, only me. Chat alot with XueLin. xD 8plus then leave her house. going 9 le then iie reach home.
Now drinking abit wine. House got the bailey smth dehhx. iie mix is with milk & added ice. Dam nice. Taste like chocolate milk. But with alcohol taste. Hope i'll hab a good rest tonight after drinking it. (=
Today ate maggie mee as breadfast & porridge as dinner. Full enough.
i'm seriously gonna save some money. like saving money. lolx. but i like eating too! (x
Today after iie left XueLin's house, it was drizzling. So iie decided to walk in the rain. Dam shiock. Cold cold one. then iie listening to eng song that reminds miie of lots of stuff. Sad, cold yet a bit peaceful dehhx feeling. lolx. Hope iie dun fall sick. Dun wanna miss school any more.
IIE WANNA PASS N LEVELS! (=
Jia you too wor Wee. Kambatte for ur exams. I know u'll be able to pass with flying colors dehhx. Take care too wor. Dun stress urself out too much.
iie finally told Wee my feelings. Wonder what is he thinking after reading those things. Wonder what he doing now. i miss hiimx. never knew missing someone could be this painful.
Ppl might think why iie change heart so fast. But it was always suppose to be hiimx. iie dunno how to explain.
Hx, is just a passing wind. Something that is left unfinish in the past. And it's a close chapter le bahhs.
Now looking back. There's so much damage that i've created. To Both Wee n Miie.
every song iie hear makes miie think of Wee. whether it's happy ones or sad ones. because we're both in pain. and because we could hab been so happy. and because iie wanna stay happy with hiimx. but is it still possible. the trust he has in me has been destroy. iie wonder how much pain has he went through. will iie hab the change to experience it? iie might nt be as strong hearted as hiimx. iie might just die off half way.
haiis. i'm sorry...
it's getting harder and harder to breath now a days. my hearts hurts. iie know this is nth compare to the pain he went though. haiis... i'll jia you dehhx. For you, i'll try my best. i'll study hard like how you always wants me to. i'm left with about 50 days till N levels. Will it be enough time for me to chiong study?...
what if iie didn't manage to pass N levels... haiis... i'll just try my best for now regardless what's the result.
It's my turn to wait for you. I'm sorry if its too late. Serve me right for being dumb.
Here's a song for euu all to enjoy. It's Dam nice and it makes miie think of Wee. There's this song call Next To You. Can't seems to find it in imeem. So can't post it up. ><
Who Will I Run To
You were the one who I could tell my deepest fears And you were the one who always wiped away my tears.
When he hurt me you were my prince sent straight from above
Like a fool I never saw you were falling in love
So now I've lost everything, Casue now you say you're gone forever more
So who will I Who will I run to Who will I turn to Now that you left me behind Who will dry my tears When I cry
Who will I run to and who will I turn to Now that you're not here in my life
You were the one I took for granted All those years. Oohooohoh
And you were the one, I should of known it was so clear How could I be so blind not to see whats before my eyes I'll get you back here with me if it takes the rest of my life
Cause I would do anything Cause I want you back forever more
Who will I run too Who will I turn to Now that you left me behind, Who will dry my tears when I cry.
Who will I run to Who will I turn to Now that you're not here In my life
I would gladly turn and cross the deep blue sea If I could know that I would have you here with me. I realize that I was blind but now I finally see I need you back here in my life. Oh baby can't you see.
Who will I run to Who will I turn to Now that you left me behind who will dry my tears when I cry
Who will I run to who will I turn to now that you're not here in my life.
Who will be there for me who's gonna rescue me who's gonna share my dreams who's gonna mend this broken heart.
yo. iie crazy right. morning blogging. feel rather cold now. is it because morning so very cold?
sometimes iie just feel the more iie blog, the more stupid iie feel. iie should stop blogging so much about how iie think n feel. so it'll casue lesser trouble. (=
it's so cold that iie dun realli feel like going school any more. iie feel so bored. school gonna be so bored... siian.
Ytd morning went school study. Then after school eat le juii go Extra lesson till 4.30 then go home. Reach home bath and slept for 1hr and went to night class.
Pat accompany miie go Chem tuition at cityhall. The class was bigger. plus me and Pat, there were 10 students. 4 of the guys keep talking n playing PSP. Dam noisy. But they are fun & frenly ppl. Plus miie only gt 3 gals in the class. The rest all boiis. One of the gurl came up to miie after class and chat with miie a little. how frenly~ (=
After that meet my er jie at her working place. There's a guy with her though. So miie n Pat chat while waiting for my sis to finish her stuff. After that went to Makan Sutra there eat mam mam. Walk dam far. it's somewhere outside the durian buildings. xD
Ate the fried rice. Dam not nice. Some more $4. so expensive and not nice. the prawn some nt realli cooked. the crab meat still got 4 piece stick tgt frozen dehhx. then the rice so oily. yuck!
After bought the milo. the milo dam sweet. but nt bad. xD
After that went home. Reach home juii 12am plus le.
Today didn't manage to wake up for school. SORRY! )x
Wee gave miie a question to test miie. i forgotten how to do. iie remember DongWen last month gt teach miie dehhx. so iie search my room till dam messy for the paper that iie had write those equations. can't find. so called dong wen. and he say he need to be in school. So iie bath and went all the way to school to ask DongWen how to do the question.
After that meet XiaoWen&PohLi&WenLing&Pat&KaiLin and went to play BasketBall. Played 3 rounds today. 2v2 , 3v3 , 3v3 all lose. xD bad at BasketBall sia.
Now home le. needa do the soft copy of my FnN work. Teacher wan.
Am looking forward to MONDAY NIGHT CLASS. MUAHAHA. XiaoWen&Pat accompanying me~ yay!
Now iie suddenly remember. iie had not eaten anything the whole day. Feel rather full. Drank Pink Dolphin and Lemon Barley only. then feel rather full le. Wonder why.
The sudden headach comes rather often these days. Every day atleast 3 times. Wonder why gt.
Feeling rather sleepy. Maybe slept too much le. xD
Been thinking alot lately about Miie&Wee. Wonder did iie made the right choice of telling hiims iie still likes hiimx. Actually iie think iie need time to rest from relationship le. Should concentrate on my studies now. Now just by thinking about relationships, makes me tired... i'm tired of thinking about it. about what i have done wrong, what i have regretted, how dumb i am, how much pain i created, how much things i have done without knowing how useless it would be, how dumb everything was.
Somehow, i'm tired of trying to put in the effort le. iie wanna know the answer clearly. it's just a simple LIKE or DUN LIKE. but it's so hard to get the answer. it's nt like changing the answer in the future would be hard. everytime iie think tt iie hab to put in effot, my heart hurts. wonder why. Dam tired. how stupid i am.
i'm tired of relationship for now. dam tired. shall we just rest?
actually that day iie would msg you those things was because my fren all encourage me to. those msg was type by them dehhx. iie only add in words that iie wanna add. but ofcause before sending the msg, they asked for my approver. and iie agreed. pls tell miie iie did nt make the wrong choice or say the wrong thing.
You ask miie if iie with euu will iie still think of Hx. iie replied no. i dun even wanna recall it nor remember it.
when they were typing iie was dam worry. iie kept telling them iie dunno iie should realli tell euu all these. i'm afraid i would hurt you again, i'm afraid tt iie would do the wrong things again. iie dun wanna do any wrong things to hurt euu. euu did nth to deserve all these. sometime iie just feel that iie dun deserve you. i'm realli scared. i'm confuse and trap. but still iie agreed on letting them send those msg to you. haiis...
and iie remember iie blog in here before that iie feel disgusted being close to other guys. The "other guys" wasn't referring to you. it was to another guy who tried to be too 'friendly' with me. Dam disgusted. That was the first time iie meet hiimx after we know each other for so long. and it would be the last. and tt's the end of our frenship. GoodBye & THE END.
iie msg you, you dun realli reply. i was always waiting for ur reply. but there was none. so, iie stop waiting. but iie did nt stop trying and hoping.
you makes me happy. you were my happiness. but it was too late to regret. that iie made the wrong choice & took the wrong path.
i said i was tired. and i mean it. but i never stops.
life is full of regrets!...
trying is tiring. putting in effort is tiring. loving is tiring. missing is tiring. regretting is tiring. trying+effort+loving+missing+regretting = PAIN
but love overcomes all. (=
call miie crazy, call me blind, to still be suffering in stupid after all of this time. -M2M song. xD
iie feel like so much things iie hab to say n express. but iie dunno how can iie do tt. when will this kind of problems ever stop. [as long as i stop making this kind of bloody mistakes!] when will iie stop making this kind of bloody mistake? [untill the day i stop existing.] when will iie stop existing? [when i die] Good ideal, NOT. )x
Oh, iie haven said the reason why iie n Hx break hor. tt day before our Bday, iie ask hiimx le. and it was becoz of wee. Because i told hiimx that alot of songs remind me of Wee. Because i told hiimx that i did miss Wee. Because he saw my blog post gt post Wee's pic. Because i went out with Wee and didn't told hiimx. So he got tired. And i'm realli sorry about tt.
YTD after school iie went to CHEC [City Harvest Education Center] to hab my MATH tution. It's every Monday 7.30pm to 9.30pm. And iie am the only gal in the there. total 4 students and 2 teachers iie am the 4th student and the other 3 is a pair of twins and a Chinese guy. One tutor[Allen] sits and observe us and teaches way better then the other one[Nicholas] that is standing in front teaching us. lolx.
after class iie got some question iie dun understand so iie asked tutor Allen to teach me. He didn't mind explaining from the start. ^-^
after that iie went off to find my sister working place. reach le juii eat a plate of pasta and ate a small portion of the cheese cake. dun like the taste. Er jie wan eat so the rest gib her. But the bill is er jie pay dehhx. so nice of her. hahas.
and at her work place there got a group of sex-changed homosexual 'ladies'. all wear till dam sexy. lolx. Guy's fav huh. xD
YTD iie very guaiis wor. gt nu li study. iie dun realli like studying in school in such a big group. dam irratating.
XiaoWen say she can join miie with the tution~ Patrick also can join~ YAY! i'm nt alone le~ happy happy. (=
Wee said his HipHop lesson also on Monday wonder what time it is. Scaly almost the same time then maybe would meet by accident? xD oh well...
Today after school went play Basket ball... suddenly like sport. playing sport makes miie feel better mentally. lolx.
dunno why walk untill where also can meet hiimx by accident. it hurts. iie tried my best to ignore the fact that iie know hiimx. and ignore the fact that he's there. and that it doesn't matter even if he's some where iie could see. iie shall just pretend iie dunno hiimx and he's just like a stranger. Strangers are just objects to me. so yeah. (=
Thanks Wee for talking to miie ytd about working hard so tt iie could make a better life in the future. iie want a beautiful life in the future too. Just Like Your's~ (= Thanks wor!
PICTURE TIME:
sorry for da ugly face.
The cap nice nice!
a bird tt flew to XueLing's room window and slept there.
Wee tried to encourage miie to believe tt: [[_a life fill with happiness from, frens, family and the one you love is IMPOSSIBLE_]] ._everytime when there are happiness, there will also be sadness_. and he sure said it well...
but some how. iie dun feel tt happy at all... iie felt sad all of a sudden. iie dunno why is there pain in my heart all of a sudden. it started when he tell miie he had those things before. but why is it pain? iie shouldn't be feelings pain nor sadness all of a sudden dehhx... am iie going crazy? iie more iie think of the future and now. the more i'm convince my future will nt be tt happy. iie lost sight of happiness... iie lost confidence in myself tt iie would be able to build a happy future.
i turn myself away from relality. what's with all the positive thinking? it doesn't help. iie lied to myself that it did. iie told myself i love my life. but iie dun. iie hate my life. i have always hated my existence. iie realli do.
because iie hab to go through all this nonsense. when will it stop? it'll never stops. because it's life. everyone have to go through this. but there's ppl who can't.
because... iie am the one to spoil my own life. dumbly, iie did everything a idiot would. and ta da! tt's my life. and it sux.
haiis. why should iie say till like iie very ke lian? iie still hab frens and family. who loves and care about me. but why do iie feel tt way.. i'm not sure anymore. i'm dunno what iie wan. iie dunno wad's wrong. iie dunno what's hurting me. iie hate this kind of feelings. because it's confusing....
Today morning, bath le make sushi and went to XueLin's house. the sushi lasted for hours in my tummy even untill now. iie still feel full! didn't study much today xD all in the mood of playing. played stacking mahjoh and mahjoh too. lolx. never in my life have iie won playing majoh by myself. dam lousy player. nvm, shall wait for my future husband to be by my side teaching miie and playing along with my frens by my side without leaving miie out. xD muahahahas. (x
iie feel like an idiot. always messing up my own life. how dumb could that be. feel like my life is all mess up. iie can't restart it nor undo the pain iie have created for everyone. when ever there's happiness, there's always be sadness. we can't escape it. we can tell ourself to stand strong and it's just part of life as much as we want. but it will never be able to take away the pain in our hearts so easily.
why is it that a smile can be taken aways so easily but sadness can't? why is it that it's harder to make someone happy but easier to make someone cry?
last year my birthday was 07.07.07 this year, my cousin's birthday is 08.08.08. wow! coincident huh. last year birthday was a memorable one. wonder how special could this year's 08.08.08 be.
this reminds miie of National day. the first time iie see fire works up close is during Pri 5. the school brought us to watch the performance. alot other school was there too. there's even freebies. iie wanna see the fire work up close again! >.<
Anyway, XueYan add miie in frenster with her another account a few days ago. wonder why. oh well, accept her request le any way. wonder why she add miie.
any way, did iie tell euu guys iie bought a new HP? C902 sonny erricson. black dehhx. didn't know there was red dehhx. )x oh well, smiles!
it's raining again tonight. it's gonna be easy to sleep tonight iie guess. cold cold cool cool dehhx. wah~ i'm going to bed after this. so good night everyone! OYASUMINASAI~!
Today woke up 7.30am. prepared and meet Pat under my blk then go meet poh li. made a bet with hiimx tt john will come. and said he'll come. then later miie, pat n pohli made a bet that who come first, XiaoWen or John. iie say XiaoWen while they say john. and then XiaoWen was like late by a few seconds only lor. dam it.
didn't ask much ppl to donate. dam pai seh. this reminds miie of smth. but iie rather nt recall it.......
after that, met pohli fren. she's a butch. DAM SUAII LAHHS! iie wanna go cut hair n be a butch too. so dam cool. iie dun mind habing a gal as stead. as long as we lover each other. and gals can understand gals better lor. lousy guys. xD
iie wanna be butch too! but they say my face too girl like. won't look nice if iie try to cut hair short like guys. ==" siian. haiis...
still struggling to forget hiimx n trying nt to remind myself of hiimx. trying my best to move on and stay happy. and trying hard to nt see hiimx / look at hiimx. because iie know it will hurt so dun wan see hiimx. trying to study a lit bit harder for myself too.
all this trying sure do get miie tired. there's still a bit of holes here n there in my life, an incomplete life. but maybe, even just being incomplete, might be the best choice...
edited 3 pics and post in frenster le. actually wanna edit someone's photos but... iie think it's for the best i don't touch it nor look at it. (=
i'll end here.
xoxo, Jasmine Ng Shu Wei
[[_a life fill with happiness from, frens, family and the one you love is IMPOSSIBLE_]]
._everytime when there are happiness, there will also be sadness_.
Am trying my best to forget everything. Trying to put them in the past and never wanna recall them again.
i tried my best to avoid hiimx and nt to look at hiim. because iie clearly know where he is so it's kinda easy for miie to not look at hiimx. just looking at hiimx makes my heart hurt uncontrollably. iie dun wanna get any near hiimx any more.
today school suddenly seems fun to miie. John yeo lahhs. dam funny. keep making me laught. JOHN YEO, EUU BETTER COME SCHOOL OFFEN. SO IIE GOT ENTERTAINER! EVEN WEE TENG ALSO SAY U'RE OUR GROUP DEHHX BAO~ hahas.
didn't eat much today. no appetite. my body's experiencing a bit of changes due to the stress iie gib myself. my period timing dam off. =="
after achool accompany xiao wen go detention then to FnN room. having a bit of pain in the tummy due to the period. this remind miie of that day when Wee brought miie to watch Narnia. tt day iie had period and was like hurting like hell. he tried his best to care for miie, bought hot milo for me n even went to buy a box of period cramp panadol. he was always there for miie. but iie always took it for granted. and went to Hx instead.
now ii could understand how much pain he went though. the pain of losing someone he love and even letting her be with another guy. iie myself, just the tots of him being with another gal already kills. yet wee could take tt pain and still manage to stand up on his own and wait for me. haiis...
iie can understand the pain now. but i'm nt as strong as he is. iie can't take it any more. iie can't take the pain any longer. the only thing that could keep miie standing an holding on the pain is if the one i love, loves me too.
well, it's over. we're over. and here's the THE END. (=
close of a old chapter, starting of a new chapter. END OF PANDA STORY.
Tml meeting pat at 8.15am under my BLK then we can go tgt to yishun MRT to meet the rest. doing CIP tml! kambatte! (=
7 July 2oo8, photos of my birthday! Thanks gurls, love ya loads.
SYSTEM IS CURRENTLY DELETING MEMORY. IT WILL BE DONE BY TML MORNING. SYSTEM WILL RESTART WHEN IT'S DONE DELETING AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FORGOTTEN FOREVER.
DO YOU WISH TO CONTINUE?
YES / NO
SYSTEM WILL NOW CONTINUE DELETING THE MEMORIES...
so tml onwards. dun try to ask miie anything about those things anymore. i has and wil be deleted off my mind. tt's the only way, i can get out of the pain. (=
when i woke up in the morning, iie tot it's gonna be another boring day. iie tot iie would only have a simple lunch at SAKAE and tt's it. but iie was totally surprise by XiaoWen n PohLing. They bought cake and came my house an celebrate with miie. Was dam touch. am realli happy but iie didn't know how to show it.
After that, around 4pm PohLing went to meet her Boii Boii. So left miie n XiaoWen. Then she using my com dehhx shi hou, iie go bath and prepare. After that miie, Mom and XiaoWen went to hab SAKAE sushi. Mom treat XiaoWen eat too. (= XiaoWen say she likes my mom. She feels that my mom is like her mom and we were like a family.
After that iie da bao a ChaSoba, and strawberry ice-cream and mushii ice cream. Exchange the Ice-cream with Xiao wen and iie brought along the present iie wanna gib Hx. So after that mom went home first and then iie went on to Hx house. Gave hiimx and was about to go when Hx asked us to stay for a while. So we stayed. Chat with XiaoWen but sat way far from Hx. lols.
His mom chat with miie. Asked miie why iie so long never come. iie explain tt night why iie ran away. and explain tt we break and told her we break because of misunderstandings. iie also told her tt the misunderstanding is from my ex. and told her tt iie still realli love Hx. Then she ask miie gt time come back more. Then iie reply iie might nt be able to, iie scared iie bother hx too much. Then she say "dun wanna see aunty le ar?" then iie reply "ofcause not, i'll miss you dehhx, iie only scared iie bother hx too much."
After that sat down in the room again n chat with XiaoWen. Then heard hx say he headache as he drank quite alot of vodka. Then iie dunno his house got tea or not. So iie end up only can get hiimx a cup of water. he said he drink alot le then iie still gib hiimx water. so iie kept quiet. then his sis ask him just drink. so he drank then iie told hiimx iie dunno what else iie could get hiimx, so got water instead. after that we sat down somewhere beside hiim but nt too near n chat as his sis went to see super band. then he told us that his mom wan us to stay to celebrate his bday tgt. so we agreed.
then he said Jj coming. so we offered to follow. Then he ran down the stairs dam fast. it remind miie of tt day, 8JUNE... so iie end up trying to run as fast to catch up. XiaoWen was way behind. forgot my shoe can't run tt fast dehhx. end up leg darn pain, but iie bare the pain n continue to walk on to catch up. but in the end iie stop to wait for XiaoWen. iie can't just PS here behind. She is an important fren too. (=
So end up she wanna stay behind at the bus stop as XiaoWen say she can't catch up on hong xian so lazy to go. iie can't just PS her there so iie stayed back with her. 4 bus gone le then their bus come.
so went up back to his house. then celebrate his bday. after that ate cake le then chat alot. then dunno why they chat about Ampit hair then iie was drinking water & the left over cake is infront of miie. then iie go "BUUUUU" the lemon tea came out. and i think kana the cake too. lolx. evetyone laught lyk hell, and as usual, becoz of my dumbness, i became a clown. (= but everyone enjoyed themself, tt's the important thing. anyway... sorry sorry!
after that 11am then we walk XiaoWen home then took 804 to my home. Jj send miie home. Thanks wor. then chat with hiimx a little on the bus. then gt home 12am plus le. Chiong abit of my project then go sleep le. but lay on bed till 3 plus going 4am then sleep. super tired but lie dun juii cannot sleep le. mind always seems populated by hiimx. then last night cry on bed. because... WAS HAPPY TO BE ABLE TO CHAT WITH HIIMX SO MUCH TODAY. am REALLY happy. (=
8 July 2008, Tuesday
Today didn't manage to wake up for school. Am sorry... then 10plus wake up chiong my project all finish! woot! then 12.30 bath n all the chiong down to school to take my N level oral. Dam nervous for the first time. iie was the 2nd candidate. then the examiner dam nice n young narhhx (=
Thanks CP, HUIYING,HUIYI AND DONG WEN fer ya present! luv ya all.
after oral, chat with Musfirah about Hx as she asked miie about it. then iie talk talk talk then past by the library and saw Hx n joe. Hx saw miie but joe back face miie. actually wanna scared joe but dunno how joe notice iie was walking towards hiimx. then went to find CP n CC for my stuff then went to find XiaoWen n PohLi. dam bored and humid sitting there in front of the hockey court. all my brain could think of is Hx. then iie told XiaoWen and PohLi that iie wanna try my best for da last time. if iie still can't change anything and totally lost hiimx. iie will go cut my hair short n become a butch. (= SERIOUSLY!
everyone knows iie treasure and love my beauty the best. iie try my best and try everything just to become pretty. but iie am willing to gib up being a gurl just becoz of hiimx. funny?... weird?... iie dunno... if iie can't win him back by hard work. iie wanna become boi. iie dun wanna stay as a gurl anymore. just by the thought that iie am a gurl and iie love that boi. HURTS. so maybe changing into a butch might help miie a little from the pain (=
today mom finally notice the name carved on my arm. she gt a lit bit angry. but she still bought a new HP for miie. C902 sonny erricson. Cost her $300++ Ytd night she still iron my uniform for miie too. AM HAPPY.
besides love, my family n fren are my other supports. all my family n frens power is add up tgt and equal to the power of LOVE. in my heart lahhs. xD So they are all important!
Hx, if u're reading this, iie wanna tell euu... iloveyou. and tt's a fact tt will never change in my heart. iie will try my best to love you for the last time. please don't gib up on us yet. unless, you really 'bian xing' le then tell miie to stop. alrights?
Alot happen today. I'm sorry... I'm too tired to blog about today. i'll blog and post the pics online TML alrights? hope i'll be able to wake up to go school tml.
Nights and Sweet Dreams everyone!
._i wanna try my best for da last time_.
fer euu, i can. and i will.
[[_iloveyou_]]
._And that's a fact that CAN NEVER be change in my heart_.
I'm back from running just now. Leg's aching for running to much. Ran to his house. Dumb eh? why do iie even go there?... but... there's the only place my logs would bring me... iie couldn't help it. was cooling down and got caught by her mom. asked her nt to tell hx. She went to told hiimx. He came out. but iie didn't know why did iie ran away. iie felt dumb that instant. i must be crazy.
sat outside his house till 11plus. he suddenly open the door when iie was tying my hair. shock. iie was planning to knock on his window at 12.01 to show him smth. but was afraid he'll be asleep before that. but seems like he caught me red-handed... just wanted to tell hiimx happy birthday. am i dumb?... am iie too dumb like tt?... am iie disturbing alot lyk tt? iie was scared and worry tt he'll get angry and feel irritated... iie msg hiimx 4 to 5 msges but he didn't reply... iie was afraid that he was angry. but as i sat outside his house, i could hear him enjoying himself playing game. i was happy. very happy that he sounds like he's having fun. after all that, i ran all the way home again.
Today waited at home. but ask Joe to tell miie when they're free as iie hab stuff to ask Hx he got free around 2.30pm so iie call CP to come down. Then Christ suddenly called miie while i'm bathing. so asked hiimx down too.
then asked Hx stuff... gt my reply.
iie dunno... i'm confused. asked Hx if he still likes me. He said no. Then after iie ask le then CP gt stuff to ask Hx so became her turn to ask him. The things he told her gave us the feeling he's just dun wan any of us to get hurt anymore. He said he's tired. He should know CP would tell miie all that he told her. But why does he tell her so much and so openly?... Aren't he worry iie would bother hiimx again?...\
CP told miie he said he doesn't wanna be fren with miie. the reason was because he dun wanna be unfair to Wee... smth lyk tt.... haiis...
Now it's like if iie dun contact Wee, he would never contact me. Even since iie cry in front of Wee because of Hx, Wee became lyk tt. i wonder why?...
iie did ask hiimx if he's happy. and he himself said he was n she is making her happy. i'm happy for hiimx. realli~... but iie dun denied that it's painful.
iie did ask hiimx if it's true if he wanna jio her. He said "kinda" pain, yet happy for hiimx.
he did ask miie what happen to my hand. i'm realli realli happy that he asked. iie told hiimx it's nth. iie just injured myself. then he say something like he dun wanna see miie need to bandage it again next time. iie said iie dun think i could get this bandage off so soon. and end up blurt that i carve his name there. he then he pinch my face and tried to dunno pinch my nose or knock my head. but iie move back so he missed... he tried again but he miss again and iie held his hand down. it's been a long time since iie felt that warmness... was happy. but iie gotta let it go. iie know tt's wad he wanted... for miie to let go... so iie did... but physically, nt mentally in my heart.
Used up all my savings to buy them VODKA... iie couldn't think of anything else that they would wan... then iie ask if they wan wine. so joe n Christ wan. so bought lurhhx. iie just hope they enjoy their self.
Was glad CP was with miie today. If nt iie wouldn't know what to do...
sometimes iie feel like iie wanna do alot alot of thing just for Hx. regardless how pain it is... but sometimes, iie lost the strength to do so. I never know trying to hold on the sadness and keep laughing n smiling would be so tiring.
today while asking WL kor to help us buy VODKA. in the mist of the chaos. iie feel like iie was gonna faint. My eye totally black out. all iie can see was pitch black. iie feel like iie could just fall aslp right away. but iie held on. so iie squat down n ask kor dun fool around, i'm very tired already. and finally he went to buy.
Am realli sorry for making euu all wait so long for the wine. i'm sorry HX, Christ n Joe. sorry for making euu all wait so long. sorry sorry...
cried again today. while siting outside his window,standing near his house looking at the sky and while siting at the stair case. sorry to make euu worry Mrs Cheong. i'm sorry to bother euu... sorry sorry.
it's 4.31am in the morning and i'm still nt aslp. iie went though a big heart attack today, facing my dreamland while habing nightmares, force the sun out of the rain,tried to become a Singapore top runner just in one night, tried to become an actress in a dramatic movie and even tried to gib a surprise but failed so end up trying to become a runner again but went home and tried to become a dolphin but notice there's nt enough water to swim in so came out and started laughing at the fake ghost face in short films. How crazy can my life be?...
THANKS XiaoWen,Pat,an unknown no, WeeTeng, CP and my second sis for wishing me a happy birthday. Well, the first person who wish miie a happy birthday today was, Hx. because after iie asked hiimx all iie wanted to ask, iie wished hiimx Happy Birthday. So he wished miie back. (:
Today i feel dam down... Going to school make miie feel happy and sad at the same time. iie hate this kind of emotions. iie wanna be happy, iie can't... iie wanna be sad, iie can't... because it's all mixed up.
i can be smiling and laughing happily. but my heart hurts like hell... fuck it... heart hurts...
today go school... see hiimx several times... avoided recess so tt iie wouldn't meet hiimx... but while staring blanking outside CC class, he walked past... so turn back face hiimx...
when i'm about to go back class after that. saw hiimx standing outside his class door... so iie decided to avoid hiimx by walking a bigger round to my classroom... teacher was in class by the time iie walk in.
i'm dam happy to see hiimx... realli very happy... but my heart hurts when iie see hiimx... real painfully... is it fun to see my in such pain sometimes?... maybe some ppl out there that dislike miie who read my blog is giggling and laughing with joy at my sorrow... somehow iie know they are.
been habing maggie mee for days. how nice could the maggie mee be?... hope iie eat till iie die. xD how fun could that be?.
haiis... iie can't make euu laugh or entertain euu. iie can't cheer euu up when u're down. iie can't make euu happy all the time like ur "XiaoZhuZhu", XueYan. but iie can promise euu, i'll love u...
and iie hate it that way. no matter what iie do. iie can't get ur name off my heart... iie can't help. being hurt again n again but still continue loving euu. the feeling of being able to do nth about it kills. and knowing no one could help miie make miie cry. because, for that reason, i know... only euu can help miie...
today WeeTeng talk to miie about us... she told miie iie should just let go and move on... who don't?... but iie can't... ppl say it's on whether euu wan to let go or nt... like real it'll be that easy. iie would hab done it long ago if iie could. it hurts and it's unbearable.
Hx, even though iie can't hab the rights to say this... but, i'm hurt. because... it's already too late when iie found out that... i'm already deeply in love with euu. and for that, i hate euu. why only euu can make miie love euu so much?... why does iie feel disgusted if other guys get too close to miie...
so what after we break, ppl been jio-ing me?... it doesn't make any different. i'm addicted... i'm addicted to euu... every little taste that come from ur kiss. every little smell that ur body gave off even if they're just shampoo... the warmness of ur hug... the cute way euu play with miie when iie tried to touch ur nose or hair. iie miss them... and iie remember them well...
even though euu can be mean and care-less sometimes... and euu can be so hateful sometimes... i love you. every little bit of u... i love it. no matter what, i love you...
iie know i do have alot of complain and all i'm good at is complaining about euu when we're tgt... but even iie myself didn't realize... because i love you... and can't get euu of my mind.
iie wanna be able to gib euu love and feel ur love... but iie dun understand... sometimes, iie dun feel it... these few days... iie suddenly had this feeling of unfairness... euu treat other ppl better than treating miie... iie dun understand... why.
iie feel so hurt. iie felt so unfair.... iie felt so dumb... am iie the only one madly in love with euu?
iie remember euu told miie before we stead... that euu did nt look for love... iie just came looking for euu. something like this... so does that means... it's all wo xing gan qiang yuan de?... it's all my own ideal? it's all just because iie wanted it?... can euu please answer me?... please... please... please...
iie wanna be able to make euu happy and entertain euu... but i'm sorry... iie dun hab the power to... iie dun know how... iie can't... no matter how hard iie think and how hard iie try... iie dunno how... iie dun hab the ability to... is it because iie can't entertain euu, so iie became less important?... please answer miie... please...
is it because iie can't entertain euu so euu didn't bring miie out with joe they all? is it because i'm a gal and iie get period cramps so i'll become a burden, something that wasted ur time when u're with them? and because when iie had period cramps iie will make euu all bored and worry so euu didn't wan miie with them?... i feel so lonely... whenever you're out with them... iie feel so lonely and left out... real lonely... because that time, my world revolve around euu and them... and because iie wanted my world to only revolve around euu... because you are my everything... iie wanna be there to see euu playing happily with them... because iie feel helpless when it's just miie and euu... most of the time iie didn't know how to entertain euu... end up euu always entertain miie... i'm worry iie can't entertain euu and worry that u'll be bored at home, i brought my PS2 to u so that it could be something that'll entertain euu... at least it can be the only thing from miie that could entertain euu...
i'm sorry... iie should stop bringing up things that's so long ago dehhx.... i'm sorry.... i'm sorry.... i'm sorry....
Today iie found the song that remind miie of Hx. 'If you are not the one' by Daniel Bedingfield.
If You're Not The One lyrics If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today? If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way? If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings But I know you are here with me now We’ll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed? If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head? If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life? If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don’t know why you’re so far away But I know that this much is true We’ll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with And I wish that you could be the one I die with And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with I hope I love you all my life
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today ‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right And though I can’t be with you tonight And know my heart is by your side
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
